In 2015, Lili Elbe returned to mainstream conversation and discourse after Eddie Redmayne starred in The Danish Girl. Lili is one of the first individuals to undergo gender-affirmation surgery and serves as an important intersection of transgender history and women’s history.
Lili was born under the name Einar Wegener to a pair of merchants on December 28th, 1882, in Vejle, Denmark. She was the youngest of four and had a turbulent childhood due to bullying by male peers.
Disclaimer: Exact dates surrounding Lili are cited differently based on the source. This is because some early biographies purposely changed key facts to protect their subjects’ identities.
She spent her early life in Denmark, where she studied art at the Royal Danish Academy of Fine Arts in Copenhagen, beginning at the age of 19. While attending the Academy, Lili met Gerda Gottlieb – the two fell deeply in love and were married in 1904.
Many of Lili’s biographies extensively discuss her relationship with Gerda. Throughout Lili’s life, Gerda was supportive and nurtured Lili through her transition despite coming from a conservative Lutheran family.
After graduating from the Royal Danish Academy, both Gerda and Lili worked hard to create art. Lili specialized in landscape paintings, and Gerda focused on fashion and book illustrations.
“Poplars at Hobro” by Einar Wegener (Lily Elbe), 1919.“Cuckoo” by Gerda Wegener, 1920
One day, Gerda requested Lili to crossdress and fill in as a model when Anna Larssen had been late – and the experience led Lili to discover how much she preferred wearing women’s clothing. The couple arranged for Lili to be Gerda’s primary model, and Gerda found early success in painting.
Queen of Hearts by Gerda Wegener, 1928
Portrait of Lili Elbe with a green feather fan by Gerda Wegener, 1920
Lili Elbe by Gerda Wegener, 1928
Gerda’s star model was anonymous until 1912, when a scandal broke upon the public, and Lili was outed. They moved from Denmark and traveled around Italy and France for several months before deciding to live in Paris due to its renowned LGBTQIA+ scene.
Author’s Note: 19th Century Paris and the Bohemian LGBTQIA+ Scene
European LGBTQIA+ culture existed in a critical duality during the 1900s due to rapid social acceptance despite strict legal opposition, similar to present times. Major cities developed underground scenes that utilized coded symbols to circumvent anti-gay laws.
Lili found greater artistic success in Paris, and her paintings were accepted at the Salon d’Automne and Salon des Indépendants. Lili chose the name “Lili” at Anna Larssen’s suggestion, and she had begun regularly presenting as herself by the 1920s. These years allowed Lili to socially transition, appearing in public as a woman more frequently without fear of judgment.
Gender-Affirming Surgeries in Germany
In the late 1920s, Lili began consulting with medical professionals regarding her gender dysphoria with increasing frustration.
He was through with these bloodsuckers… Nobody understood what was wrong with him. But his sufferings were of the strangest kind. A specialist in Versailles had without further ado declared him to be an hysterical subject; apart from this he was a perfectly normal man, who had only to behave reasonably like a man to become perfectly well again; all that the patient lacked was the conviction that he was perfectly healthy and normal… Most people would probably have agreed [that he was “perfectly crazy”] for Andreas [pseudonym for Lili/Einar] believed that in reality he was not a man, but a woman.
Lili wrote to her brother-in-law and sister, Thomas and Christiane Thomsen, to borrow money for the Warnekros’s treatment if her stored paintings were not enough. Thomas wrote back two days later, “Don’t worry. Whatever you need is at your disposal.”
Lili took the train from Paris to Berlin to meet with Warnekros and Hirschfeld. Hirschefeld agreed with Warnekros’s determination that Lili was a suitable subject for gender-affirmation surgery. After seeing a range of doctors in Berlin, Lili underwent a series of surgeries.
The first operation, a surgical removal of the testicles, was performed by Dr. Erwin Gohrbant. The operation went without a hitch, and Gerda met with Lili in Berlin during her recovery. As soon as Lili was well enough, Warnekros ordered the pair to leave for Dresden for the following surgeries.
After being admitted to Staatliche Frauenklinik, Lili underwent her second and third – a transplantation of ovarian tissue on her abdominal muscles and removal of the penis and scrotum. It was the second surgery that Lili referred to as “the day of her proper birth,” viewing it as the most crucial in her medical transition into a woman.
Municipal Women’s Clinic (Staatliche Frauenklinik), Dresden–postcard from the early 1900s.
While Lili took notably longer to recover, these surgeries also went well without complications. Matron Margarette Leifert co-signed Lili’s request to the Copenhagen Ministry of Justice to legally recognize her as female under the name Lili Elbe, which Lili had chosen due to her surgeries in Dresden taking place on the Elbe River. By the end of spring in 1930, Warnekros had to leave to work for a few weeks away from Berlin. Lili chose to remain in recovery in Dresden while Gerda returned to Paris.
Portrait of Kurt Warnekros by Gerda Wegener, 1930Photograph of Lili after recovery, 1930
Near the end of summer, Gerda traveled to meet with Lili when she was discharged, going back to Berlin together. Lili found Berlin to be noisy and in stark contrast to peaceful Dresden, and internally struggled with how she ought to handle relationships from her lifetime as Einar. Right before Lili and Gerda returned to Denmark, Lili had a dream that Gerda would be happier with Fernando Porta, writing to him that Einar was dead and he should take care of the widowed Gerda.
Lili stayed with her older sister Christiane and her husband Thomas in suburban Copenhagen, while Gerda resided separately in town. During this period, Lili devoted herself to “freeing” Gerda from their previous marriage to allow Gerda to continue a free life. By October, Lili and Gerda were summoned to court by King Christian of Denmark, annulling their marriage.
After the annulment, Gerda left to meet with Fernando in Italy while Lili visited her brother Holger Wegener and sister-in-law Musse in her hometown of Vejle for a few weeks. Lili returned to Copenhagen and became even more introspective about herself and her legal rights to Einar’s legacy.
Love, Legacy, and the Final Operation
Despite Lili’s efforts, Gerda returned from Italy to Lili around the time Lili met Ernst Harthern, who would eventually publish Lili’s diaries after her death.
Although Lili wrote that Gerda wanted to marry Fernando “without delay,” Gerda still saw Lili as a lifelong partner. At times, Gerda and Lili went out as lesbian partners throughout their lives before the separation. Today, Gerda is understood as queer or bisexual despite her marriages to men. Before transitioning, Lili was closetly attracted to men but loved Gerda dearly.
Lili and Gerda hosted an exhibition of Einar’s paintings in Copenhagen, although this caused issues due to Lili’s lack of financial resources and inability to explain to the public what exactly had happened to Einar. Reluctantly, Lili agreed to a newspaper article regarding her transition – that article became viral around Europe and America, pushing Lili into a celebrity spotlight in March 1931 as Gerda married Fernando in Italy.
Photograph of Lili, Claude, and a (possibly Porta or Léon Leyritz)
Lili’s childhood friend, Claude Prévost, met with her in Copenhagen after traveling from Paris. During their reconciliation, Claude proposed marriage to Lili. Lili accepted, although she believed she needed the advice of Dr. Warnekros first.
Lili traveled to Dresden, asking Dr. Warnedros if he believed she was strong enough for another operation. Although Lili had told Claude she simply wanted Warnekros’s advice, she now sought surgery to have biological children.
Death and the Publication of Man into Woman
Warnedros determined Lili would undergo a fourth and fifth operation, a uterus transplant and creation of a vaginal canal. Lili wrote to Ernst to begin editing her diaries into a book.
However, the operation developed a severe infection due to a lack of immunosuppressant medication, and Lili’s body rejected the transplant. In the final three months of her life, Lili purposely did not tell Gerda or Claude of the operation to prevent causing them stress.
When I myself am no longer here, I want my sad book of love to be my legacy, a testimony that I once lived. I imagine that this book will be read, read as few books are, by all who are unhappy in love, into whose hands it shall fall year after year, and I feel as if I could shake them all by the hand. And I have such an unspeakable longing; it is in fact the only longing that I have, to say farewell to all—oh, none can realize what ultimate peace this would be for me.
On September 13th, 1931, Lili died from cardiac arrest with the company of her brother Holger at Dresden. As her final wish, Lili was buried in Trinity Cemetery near Staatliche Frauenklinik.
Lili’s story is known due to Ernst’s publication of her diaries, “Fra Mand til Kvinde” or “Man Into Woman.” Ernst originally published the diaries in Danish in 1931, later translating them into their UK and US versions by 1933.
Was Lili Elbe Intersex? Historical Debate and Lost Evidence
It is theorized that Lili might have been intersex and possessed both testicles and ovaries. However, confirmation of this has been permanently lost due to the bombing of Dresden, which would have included that information.
Cultural Legacy and Controversy
In 2000, David Ebershoff wrote The Danish Girl, a fictionalized account of Lili’s life and transition. Ebershoff’s book takes liberties in exploring Lili’s life since there are major gaps before Lili initially met Warnekros in Paris and began her diaries.
The book became a bestseller and won several awards, leaving the fictional Lili’s fate as a mystery on whether she lives or dies.
The Danish Girl won Best Supporting Actress at the Academy Awards as well as other professional awards at the Alliance of Women Film Journalists, Apolo Awards, Costume Designers Guild, Critics’ Choice Movie Awards, Detroit Film Critics Society, Empire Awards, Hollywood Film Awards, New York Film Critics Online, Palm Springs International Film Festival, San Diego Film Critics Society, Satellite Awards, Screen Actors Guild Awards, Venice International Film Festival, and Women Film Critics Circle.
Tobias Picker produced Lili Elbe in 2023, an opera based on Lili’s life and the Man into Woman diaries. Unlike The Danish Girl, Picker purposely cast a transgender performer to play Lili – making Lucia Lucas the first transgender person to play a star role in American opera.
Caughie, Pamela L., Sabine Meyer, Rebecca J. Parker, and Nikolaus Wasmoen, editors. Lili Elbe Digital Archive. Loyola University Chicago Libraries, 2019–. Lili Elbe Digital Archive, www.lilielbe.org.
The term “two-spirit,” which is commonly used to reference gender-diverse Native Americans today, did not exist before 1990. All terms used to explain gender variance, such as transgender, are relatively modern. Even though terms like transgender and gay did not exist during this time period, the fundamental ideas behind transgender identity have always persisted.
For ease of understanding, modern terms such as transgender and two-spirit will be used in this article when applicable.
Why is there so little Native American transgender history?
Oral storytelling is immensely powerful, but less able to survive centuries of persecution compared to the writing systems Europeans employed to chronicle events. As a result, Europe and Asia have better preserved histories of transgender identities – but that does not mean transgender people did not exist in the Americas before European arrival.
Each nation has an extensive history and layered culture, similar to the diversity of European countries abroad. Thousands of words identify and label individuals under the two-spirit umbrella.
The Arctic Circle
Northern Canada and Alaska are home to the Inuit, Yupik/Yupiit, and Aleut/Unangan peoples along the North Pole. Due to the harsh climate, Arctic communities rely on either hunting or fishing along the coast. All of these nations had language to identify trans-related experiences.
Compared to the binary mindset that Europeans held about gender, nations surrounding the Arctic Circle disagreed and believed gender to be expansive. In 2018, Meghan Walley of Memorial University elaborated, “Inuit gender is traditionally fluid and does not fit neatly into a binary framework. While complementary gender roles did exist, the extent to which they are based on biological sex remains unclear. Furthermore, mediatory spaces between these roles allowed people to transgress gender categories, swap roles, and assume a mixture of responsibility within their communities.”
The Inuit Nation used terms such as angakkug, aranu’tiq, kippijuituq, and sipiniq to describe gender-diverse identities. Similar to many other Indigenous Americans, Arctic nations believed in a more fluid gender system than the male-female binary: “…Aboriginal (First Nations, Metis, and Inuit or Indigenous) tribes, prior to colonization, maintained the belief in more than two genders, and that some Nations even identified up to six different gender categories… In most of the cases, such individuals were held in high esteem, being seen as having been given a gift from the Creator” (Meyercook & Labelle).
The First Woman: Uumarnituq and Aakulujjuusi of the Inuit
After creating the land, sky, sea, and creatures of the world, the gods created the first two human men – Aakulujjuusi and Uumarnituq. These two men lived on a beautiful island, but they grew lonely over time as they saw bountiful populations of birds, fish, and animals.
Aakulujjuusi and Uumarnituq desired the company of other humans and wanted to have children, and they desired each other’s intimate company. Following the example of nature’s animals, Aakulujjuusi and Uumarnituq had sex. By some miracle, Uumarnituq became pregnant despite both he and Aakulujjuusi being cisgender men.
As Uumarnituq’s pregnancy continued, it became clear to him and Aakulujjuusi that Uumarnituq would be in trouble when it was time to give birth. Uumarnituq lacked the natal equipment to give birth to their child, and neither of the men knew of modern C-section techniques. However, Aakulujjuusi knew of a spell that he chanted at night, changing Uumarnituq from a man into a woman. Aakulujjuusi sang his irinaliuti, or magic song, “A human being here, a penis here. May its opening be wide and roomy. Opening, opening, opening!”Through those words, the man’s penis split open, and their son was born as the new family embraced in the light of day. In that moment of crisis, Uumarnituq became Earth’s first woman, and Aakulujjuusi discovered the magic power of irinaliuti (Bernard Saladin d’Anglure).
Gender Amongst the Yupik: The Strange Man and His Whale
Within the region where the Yupik lived, between Alaska and Siberia, there was great consideration for people who expressed gender beyond their birth assignment. “When a man with a mustache is dressed like a woman, we (the Yupik) are careful not to make fun of him as instructed by our elders. The elders would say that such people were protected by the Maker of All. So to laugh at him would bring a curse to the thoughtless ones.”
Yupik families, similar to Inuit communities, with an unbalanced sex ratio of children (ex. four sons, zero daughters), were required to raise at least one of the children as the opposite sex until puberty. Upon puberty, the child could either assimilate into their sex assigned at birth or become a shaman.
There was a man who was the eldest of four brothers, raised as a girl, but continued to identify as a woman into adulthood past the point of puberty. The youngest of his brothers became frustrated that he and his other brothers had to share the meat collected from hunting. In their community, only men hunted – but if a man intentionally shirked his duties, he would not get a share of the community’s bounty. If he repeatedly shirked his duties, he would be expelled from the community entirely.
The youngest brother did not think his eldest brother deserved his portion of meat, since the communal rule states he must hunt with the men to be included, despite how the eldest brother performs tasks with the women of the community, such as sewing, cooking, and processing hides. So, violating the shamanic tradition regarding gender-expansive individuals, the youngest brother tried to persuade the other brothers to force their eldest brother to hunt.
When the eldest brother found out, his heart was broken. He went to the shore alone and cried and cried because his brothers had hurt his feelings.
After some time, the voice of the Maker of All gently asked the man as he cried, “Why is the woman crying?”
“My brothers complained about me not being out on the ice and sea with them at the hunts,” the man sobbed as he poured out his grief. “I am unable to go. I can’t! I can’t! I’m like a woman. How can I when I’m made like this?”
The Maker of All thought for a moment and then answered, “All right. I’ll see to it that you’ll get something.”
The eldest brother took comfort in this, returning home. It was not long before the man began to feel he was getting bigger in the stomach like a pregnant woman. His belly got bigger, and that frightened him terribly – how could the baby be delivered?
The Maker of All found the eldest brother crying again, and so it asked, “Why is the woman crying again?”
“If I’m going to have a baby, how is it going to be delivered?” the man asked.
“You go down to the sea and bury your face in your sleeves,” the voice instructed. “Rest there on the sea. You will not sink.”
The eldest brother hurried back to the shore, getting into the sea and burying his face in the sleeves of his coat. He floated, he cried, and somehow, a little whale was born.
The Maker of All solved the eldest brother’s problem in a way best suited for his special circumstance. Although he will continue to have a man’s body, he can affirm his feminine nature and perform women’s duties – and the baby whale will be a lure for his brothers to provide other whales and meat to the community. Thus, the eldest brother will not have to be hurt but will still be a boon to his community.
The eldest brother picked up the tiny whale and took it home. He loved it so dearly that he carved a wooden bowl and put water for it to swim in, but it was getting big fast and frequently needed larger bowls. When the whale became too big to keep at home, the eldest brother took his whale son to sea. When the whale son grew up, the eldest brother took a marker and dotted him with red spots to ensure the hunters knew not to harm his son.
The whale son loved to swim, sometimes going as far as the horizon. When the son returned, he would bring another whale that the eldest brother’s siblings would kill. He brought home many whales that created so much meat that the brothers became rich. The community was never short of meat, oil, or bones.
But one day, the whale son did not return home. The eldest brother waited and waited upon the shore, worried for his son. Days passed, but his son did not return. Becoming filled with grief, the eldest son buried his face in his sleeve and cried.
And like the times before, the voice of the Maker of All sounded, asking why the woman was crying. When the eldest brother explained, the Maker of All said, “You go out to the sea in your coat as you always do until you stop, but you will still be moving.”
The eldest brother did as he was told. He floated along the ocean, but did not see where he was going. When he finally stopped moving, the eldest brother looked up to find himself in a strange place – an entirely different village than the one he was from!
He approached the shore, seeing a tragedy as he walked up to the beach. The marked head of his son lay there, killed! But it was just his son’s head, and the eldest brother searched in vain to find his son’s body.
From afar, the eldest brother could see a village, so he followed the path to a house. He found a group of people telling stories to celebrate the great catch they had, humbly welcoming the eldest brother and asking him to tell them a story. The eldest brother told the story of how he had birthed and raised his whale son, who had been killed once he became too ambitious and swam too far from home. But when the village did not understand the eldest brother’s story, he left in tears – they had broken a sacred rule by killing an animal marked distinctively. After the eldest brother had left, a terrible thing began to happen to the hunters who had killed the whale son. They began to sweat and sweat. Horrified, the hunters looked at each other and found themselves getting smaller and smaller until they all turned to liquid (Bernard Saladin d’Anglure).
The Subarctic
South of the northernmost Arctic Circle, hundreds of tribes have called the subarctic region home throughout Alaska and Canada. Like the Inuit, Aleut, and Yupik to the north, subarctic nations were made of tough stuff to thrive in extreme conditions.
Subarctic cultures physically recorded a large amount of their stories, similar to Arctic tribes. Within Cree mythology, Wîsahkêcâhk was a hero and trickster used to explain nature. Wîsahkêcâhk was neither man nor woman. Oral tradition purposely depicted them as ambiguous and fluid – although Wîsahkêcâhk is usually assigned a (male) binary gender when the stories are documented in English.
Mandelbaum and The Plains Cree
Cree communities use a range of dialects within the Cree language, which descends from the Algonquian group. The Cree dialects have a large variety of words to discuss gender diversity, documented as early as the 1800s and compiled by David G. Mandelbaum in his 1940 work The Plains Cree. Unlike English and other European languages, Cree does not use gendered third-person pronouns like “he” or “she.” In reality, the Cree had many words to describe gender-diverse individuals like ᐃᐢᑵᐤ ᑲ ᓇᐯᐘᔭᐟ/Iskwêw ka-napêwayat, ᓇᐯᐤ ᐃᐢᑵᐏᓭᐦᐅᐟ/Napêw iskwêwisêhot, ᐄᓇᐦᐲᑲᓱᐦᐟ/înahpîkasoht, ᐊᔭᐦᑵᐤ/Ayahkwêw, ᓈᐯᐦᑳᐣ/Napêhkân, and ᐃᐢᑵᐦᑳᐣ/Iskwêhkân (Kai Pyle 2018, 2021).
While documenting his time with a Cree tribe, Mandelbaum wrote, “Berdarches usually became noted shaman. When asked whether he knew of any transvestite, Fine-Day [who Mandelbaum was interviewing] said, ‘They were called a·yahkwew. It happened very seldom. But one of them was my own relative. He was a very great doctor. When he talked his voice was like a man’s and he looked like a man. But he always stayed among the women and dressed like them… When he was finished [doctoring his brother], he said ‘I will have another name now. They will call me pîyêsiwiskwêw, Thunder-Woman…’ He wanted to be called pîyêsiwiskwêw because Thunder is a name for a man and iskwêw is a woman’s name; half and half just like he was.’”
Author’s Note: “Berdache” is considered an outdated and offensive term, originally used by European colonizers to describe various third-gender roles they saw in Indigenous American cultures.
Ozaawindib, Two-Spirit Chief of the Ojibwa
Ozaawindib (also known as Yellow Head) of the Ojibwa was described as agokwa or aayaakwe, the local terms for individuals who identified as female despite being assigned male at birth. Ozaawindib’s life was largely documented by John Tanner, who was captured during an Ojibwa ambush at age nine:
“Some time in the course of this winter, there came to our lodge one of the sons of the celebrated Ojibbeway chief, called Wesh-ko- bug, (the sweet,) who lived at Leech Lake. This man was one of those who make themselves women, and are called women by the Indians. There are several of this sort among most, if not all the Indian tribes. They are commonly called A-go-kwa, a word which is expressive of their condition. This creature, called Ozaw-wen-dib, (the yellow head,) was now near fifty years old, and had lived with many husbands. I do not know whether she had seen me, or only heard of me, but she soon let me know she had come a long distance to see me, and with the hope of living with me.”
Near the end of her life, Ozaawindib was given a medal by the United States government to declare her a prominent chief for negotiations. Given her immense contact with Europeans, Ozaawindib and her identity are well-documented – although many historians disconnect Ozaawindib from her gender diverse identity (Kai Pyle).
The Southeastern Woodlands
Several dozen tribes reside within the Southeastern Woodlands, which is loosely defined as the entirety of the modern Southeast. In contrast to other ethnographic classifications, Southeastern Woodland cultures share a high proportion of cultural traits with other regions. The most notable tribes include the Cherokee, Chickasaw, Creek, and Seminole.
Cherokee, Asegi Udanto, Strange
Asegi udanto was the Cherokee term for all individuals who fell outside the gender binary, literally translating to “strange.” Within Southeastern Woodland tribes, gender played an important part in established societal roles – but gender wasn’t a rigid assignment strictly determined by one’s birth (Qwo-Li Driskill).
An unpublished manuscript from a traveler in 1825 establishes the Southeastern Woodlands as incredibly gender diverse despite historical manipulation by European writers. Immediately after an encounter with local Cherokee people, they wrote, “There were among them formerly, men who assumed the dress and performed all the duties of women and who lived their whole life in this manner” (Gregory D. Smithers). Despite the writer being unknown, their records resemble similar instances dating back to the 16th century.
“We must understand that within dominant European worldviews all Cherokees were characterized as gender-nonconforming and sexually deviant. Early records from European men make this characterization numerous times, emphasizing and Otherizing Cherokee women’s sexual and social power and autonomy. Cherokee culture became characterized as one in which all Cherokees behaved in ways Europeans thought only men should behave, and, because of this, Cherokee men feminized” (Qwo-Li Driskill).
In Subject Matter: Technology, the Body, and Science on the Anglo-American Frontier, Joyce Chaplin wrote expansively on America before the Revolution. Southeastern Woodland Native Americans, such as the Cherokee, were described as “human genital monstrosities” since they failed to conform to traditional sexuality standards upheld in European cultures. Europeans were cruel upon contact with Native Americans. This resentment against gender diversity was evident in nearly all records of contact.
The Stomp Dance
Many Southeastern tribes, such as the Cherokee, Creek, and Seminole, participated in the Green Corn or Stomp Dance – the ceremony had structured roles assigned by gender and still takes place today in remote locales.
In an interview with a modern Two-Spirit activist, Brian Joseph Gilley writes, “Most men assume that taking on the female role of shaking shells at the stomp grounds would be met with considerable disapproval. However, at Two-Spirit stomp dances, the men are offered an opportunity to change their ceremonial roles.”
The Great Plains
Native American tribes within the Great Plains resided between the Mississippi River and the Rocky Mountains and are regarded as the most “represented” group within popular culture. Most Native stereotypes, such as feathered bonnets, tipis, and horse riding, are distinct aspects of Plains cultures and not universal to other regions.
Nih’a’ca of the Arapaho
According to Arapaho lore, Nih’a’ca was the first two-spirit individual and employed as a teaching tool as a sage, mediator, and trickster. Despite being haxu’xan, Nih’a’ca is a complex person and portrayed as both selfish and kind. There are hundreds of Nih’a’ca tales, which usually incorporate their gender identity as a small part of the story.
One morning, Nih’a’ca was bored with their boring life, living with their wife and children. They approached their wife and asked, “Are there any attractive young men seeking courtship?”
Nih’a’ca’s wife, who was used to their trouble-making, answered, “Yes, there is one. His name is Panther-Young-Man.”
Nih’a’ca smiled, dressed themselves as a woman, and went out for water. The Panther saw Nih’a’ca, who smiled at him. The Panther asked Nih’a’ca to marry him, and Nih’a’ca agreed. Soon after, Nih’a’ca moved out of their wife and children’s home to live with the Panther.
The next day, Nih’a’ca sent the Panther out to hunt. While he was away, Nih’a’ca went to the prairie and approached a rabbit. Nih’a’ca told the rabbit, “I want you for my child. I will keep you and give you food and water.”
The rabbit consented, so Nih’a’ca put the rabbit under their dress and took it home. When the Panther came home after a few days, Nih’a’ca said to him, “We are going to have a child.”
This made the Panther happy, so he left to go hunting again. But the rabbit grew fat, and Nih’a’ca became tired of caring for it. Feeding and giving the rabbit drink was a lot of work! Nih’a’ca decided it was time to birth their child, wrapping the rabbit up and laying it on their bed. When the Panther returned home, Nih’a’ca showed the Panther the rabbit, “We have had a child born to us.”
“Is it a boy or a girl?” asked the Panther, frowning in confusion. “It is very strange in appearance.”
“A boy. It looks like a rabbit, it is very fat,” replied Nih’a’ca.
“It is well,” nodded the Panther. The Panther told Nih’a’ca that he was going to hunt again, leaving the tent. But before the Panther had gotten far, he changed his mind and went back to the tent. He saw another man go inside his tent to speak with Nih’a’ca! Quietly, the Panther drew closer to the tent to listen.
“It is very strange. You have been married for only a short time and have a child already. How can that be?” The Panther heard the man ask Nih’a’ca.
“This is how it is. This is how I gave birth to a child,” answered Nih’a’ca. The Panther heard fabric rustle and believed his wife was showing herself to this other man. The Panther stormed into the tent and saw Nih’a’ca with their dress open to the other man.“Leave! The woods and brush will be where you live!” the Panther shouted at Nih’a’ca, pointing at the door. The Panther turned to the rabbit and said, “You are too fat! You shall have no fat, except on your kidneys and on your back behind the shoulders. You will run fast and leap and live on the prairie” (George A. Dorsey).
Osh-Tisch the Badé
Crow tribes recognized badé (also called baté or bóté), individuals assigned male at birth who fulfilled feminine and two–spirit gender roles in their communities. Badé were similar to roles in other Plains cultures, such as the Cheyenne he’eman and he’emane’o and Lakota wíŋkte.
“For some unexplainable reason Osh Tisch assumed the role of a warrior for a day in the summer of 1876. General George Crook sent some runners to the Crow Agency to recruit scouts for his campaign against the Lakotas and Cheyennes. One hundred and seventy-five warriors signed up for the fight against their traditional enemies.
“In the crowd of men, which included the war leader Plenty Coup, there were two remarkable women characters: Osh Tishch and The Other Magpie… Pretty Shield saw the Crow scouts leave the village to join General Crook’s blue-coat soldiers and described how Finds Them and Kills Them ‘looked like a man, and yet she wore woman’s clothes; and she had the heart of a woman. Besides, she did a woman’s work. She was not a man, and not yet a woman.’ While recognizing the special nature of the batée, Pretty Shield respected the womanly side of Finds Them and Kills Them by always referring to ‘her’ with feminine pronouns…
“Finds Them and Kills Them, who earned her name from the brave role she played in the Rosebud fight, would live on during the reservation era, subject to harassment from Indian agents and missionaries because of the life she had chosen so many years earlier” (Joseph Agonito).
Osh Tisch and their spouse, date unknown.
The Great Basin
The Rocky Mountains were home to Great Basin nations such as the Paiute, Shoshone, and Ute. Native Americans created communities within the Rocky Mountains’ deserts and mountain systems as far north as Oregon and Montana and as far south as Arizona and California.
To Imitate and Be Tudayapi
Both Northern and Southern Paiute nations identified tudayapi individuals when communicating with European ethnographers, literally translating to “dress like or imitate the other sex.” Like most two-spirit designations, tudayapi were well-respected and fulfilled spiritual roles to serve their communities.
In 1930, anthropologist Julian Steward wrote his own interpretation, “Berdachism is called [tudayapi], ‘dress like other sex.’ One such man dressed like a woman, associated with females, and did woman’s work, washing for the white people, and did not marry; but he had no other abnormality. A young boy dressed like a girl, went to a girls’ dormitory in a Nevada school, was put into the boys’ dormitory, then put out of school, married a boy who was granted a divorce when the judge learned the facts.”
Tainna Wa’ippe of the Basin
Shoshone tribes understood gender as more than a simple male-female binary. Unlike the Paiute, who associated gender-nonconforming behaviors with folks assigned male at birth, the Shoshone grouped all gender diverse people as tainna wa’ippe regardless of biological sex.
Tainna wa’ippe directly translates to “man-woman,” further separated into three subcategories:
Taikwahni tainnapa was associated with individuals assigned male at birth and identified as female, similar to transgender women today in mainstream culture.
Taikwahni wa’ippena refers to individuals assigned female at birth and identified as male, like transgender men.
Taikwahni, on its own, referred to intersex or agender individuals and could be applied to anyone, no matter biological sex.
Gender within the Shoshone nation throughout colonization helps visualize the deterioration of gender diversity throughout the Americas. Until contact with American explorers and Mormon missionaries, the Shoshone held strongly to their ancestral beliefs.
By 1866, miners had overtaken Shoshone territory in pursuit of gold. The Shoshone had peaceful relations with the mining towns, leading to their assimilation into mainstream American culture. However, this assimilation warped traditional views on gender since the term tainna wa’ippe was replaced with berdache.
The five Shoshone genders became four (male, female, male berdache, and female berdache), and gender-nonconforming identities would be incredibly stigmatized for the next century when the Native American Gay and Lesbian Gathering would recite pride.
The Northwest Plateau
The coastal mountain region, spanning Washington, northern Oregon, Idaho, Montana, and southern British Columbia, is home to the Northwest Plateau peoples. Due to their similar cultures and ecosystems, Plateau Native Americans are often grouped with Great Basin tribes.
Wyakin on the Plateau
The Niimíipuu or Nez Perce recited multiple oral traditions to Western explorers regarding genderfluid spirits and two-spirit dream-vision figures.
Lucullus Virgil McWhorter documented the Nez Perce War through Yellow Wolf, one of its last survivors. Yellow Wolf was not two-spirit himself, but his Niimíipuu upbringing influenced how he understood spirituality. Throughout the account, Yellow Wolf frequently spoke of his wyakin – a genderfluid guardian spirit that appeared to him in a vision.
“Wyakin is a generic term; it may be a single force, or it may embrace a combination of mythic forces acting in unison. It is a grave error to confuse this medium of the supernatural with God or Deity outright, as some writers have done. On this score, Many Wounds, who had a profound knowledge of his native religion, and who had, moreover, once taught a Methodist Bible class, wrote in reply to an inquiry: ‘It is this way. You have faith, and ask maybe some saint to help with something where you probably are stalled. It is the same way climbing a mountain. You ask Wyakin to help you’” (Lucullus Virgil McWhorter).
The Niimíipuu wyakin resembles broader Plateau traditions that also utilize genderqueer spiritual figures in other nations. Further, the wyakin presents the likely assumption that Plateau cultures were accepting of gender-diverse identities, although they were rarely documented compared to the Plains.
Gone to the Spirits
Kaúxuma Núpika (“Gone to the Spirits”) lived during the early 1800s and is considered the most well-known two-spirit individual recorded among the Plateau nations. Although assigned female at birth, Kaúxuma returned home after leaving a slave marriage to a Canadian fur trader. He asserted that the Canadian had changed Kaúxuma’s biological sex, making him into a man.
After settling back with the Kutenai, Kaúxuma took a wife and served as a courier, guide, and prophet. Kaúxuma was remembered as respected, even after his death – although his identity was misinterpreted and condemned by Western accounts.
The Northwest Coast
Northwest Coast Native Americans inhabit a narrow strip of land along the Pacific coastline from Alaska to northern Oregon. Nations within this region are considered distinct from cultures within the Plateau or Basin, resembling California Native Americans despite their proximity.
Gatxan, Moving Between Realms
The term gatxan is associated with Tlingit culture, but appeared elsewhere along the Northwest Coast to refer to two-spirit individuals who fulfilled blended gender roles in their communities.
The term was oddly translated as “coward” when reported by non-Indigenous fieldworkers to chroniclers, presenting a negative connotation to the identity. Given the fact that most Native American cultures respected two-spirit members of their tribes, the negative translation is jarring (Federica de Laguna).
“When non-Indigenous outsiders asked Tlingit people about shamans and medicine people, they sometimes referred to a small group of people known as gatxans. Gatxans reportedly had fluid gender identities. Europeans knew them as ‘half-men, half-women.’ Tlingits reportedly believed that gatxans possessed spiritual powers and routinely reincarnated themselves. In some cases, gatxans engaged in ‘homosexual’ relationships, although the anthropological record tends to overstate this point. Very little oral or written evidence survives to illuminate how both Tlingits and colonizers viewed the gatxan during the late 1700s and early 1800s, but we have clues. Anthropologists provide one clue: a definition of gatxans as ‘cowards.’
“I’ve uncovered no historical evidence to suggest that Tlingit people viewed gatxans as cowards during the late 18th and early 19th centuries. That’s not surprising, given that the traders, soldiers, and scientists who interacted with the Tlingit weren’t focused on deep historical analysis of gender identities or sexual habits among Indigenous people. These outsiders had other objectives, specifically, making money by extracting resources and expanding trade networks” (Gregory D. Smithers).
As expressed by Smithers, it is suspected that the term gatxan was intentionally misinterpreted. Several Northwest Coast cultures, such as the Tlingit, were misinterpreted in this way to protect their oral tradition from outsiders.
According to Frederica De Laguna, gatxan were incorporated into Tlinglit creation myths. A woman had married the Sun, bringing a gatxan into the world as her eighth child. From that birth onward, gatxan were continually reincarnated in Tlingit families.
Modern Revival Amongst the Coastal Salish
Although the Coastal Salish has a steep history of two-spirit identity, that history was disconnected through the colonization and residential school process. As Sparrow explains, “Indigenous constructs of gender and sexuality were among those elements specifically targeted for destruction…The federal government viewed development of industrial schools as essential to promote assimilation and adoption of agricultural lifestyles in Indigenous communities, but it was Christian missionaries who recognized the advantage of isolating children from their parents and culture.”
“I have read stories about Indigenous children arriving at residential schools, and being automatically separated into male and female gender groupings. Two Spirit children were especially targeted by school administrators and groups according to biological sex, regardless of their non binary identities or roles in family and community. Their appearance, hair and clothing were altered to reflect European dualistic gender norms, and they were schools according to colonial expectations and gendered divisions of labour. I try to imagine what this experience must have been like for my late maternal grandparents, being so young, far away from parents and family, and forced to live under such a violent regime.
“My mother told me that my late grandfather was thrown down a flight of stairs as a boy by a minister at residential school, and that he broke his collar bone as a result. This act of horrific violence was inflicted on my grandfather for simply stealing apples to feed his younger brother at residential school… The affect of such violent acts of conformity, assimilation and cultural genocide against our little Two Spirit children in residential schools is visceral and intergenerational”(Corrina Sparrow).
While the residential school program was employed in greater force in Canada, similar initiatives to forcibly assimilate Native Americans were conducted across the continent. As a result, modern Native Americans cannot identify most of their ancestral history before colonization.
What makes the Coastal Salish unique is their attempts to revive the lost two-spirit culture in recent generations. During their research, Sparrow interviewed multiple Coastal Salish individuals regarding their two-spirit identities.
“Our friends and relatives in this research said that Two Spirit needs to be recognized as an authentic, Nation-based identity again. As Indigenous People, we need to find ways to incorporate Two Spirit identity, roles and responsibilities without ancestral knowledge, stories, language, ceremony, activities and protocols once more… Two Spirit identity is part of our collective Coast Salish identity. They are not separated. Two Spirit identity, gender and sexual fluidity have always been part of our Coast Salish knowledge and cultural history” (Corrina Sparrow).
California
Nations such as the Mojave, Washoe, and Pomo reside in California’s microenvironments, comprising coastline, redwood forests, valleys, deserts, and mountains. Compared to other cultural regions, California Native Americans were considered exceptionally politically stable and sedentary due to experiencing less conflict with their neighboring nations.
‘Aqi the Undertaker
The Chumash people of southern California identified ‘aqi as a structured gender role within their societies. These individuals were assigned male at birth but valued as a third gender distinct from traditional male or female assignments.
Chumash society was separated into specialized guilds based on trade upon contact with Europeans. It is hypothesized that ‘aqi were often grouped with the “Undertaker Guild” to serve as spirit guides and dig graves for the dead, a role that had once been stereotyped as feminine. The ‘aqi role declined due to the presence of Spanish missionaries, who employed Catholic burial programs to make ‘aqi burial ceremonies obsolete to the new religious order.
“Perhaps most profoundly, the institution of Catholic burial programs and designated mission cemeteries would have usurped the traditional responsibilities of the ‘aqi. The imposition of Catholic practices in combination with a tremendously high death rate among mission populations would have undoubtedly have contributed to the disintegration for the guild.
“It is hard to overstate the chaos and panic the loss of their undertakers must have produced for indigenous Californians. The journey to the afterlife was known to be a prescribed series of experiences with both male and female supernatural entities, and the ’aqi, with their male-female liminality, were the only people who could mediate these experiences” (Deborah Miranda).
The ‘aqi are one of the earliest recorded examples of nonbinary identity amongst California’s Indigenous population. In Archaeology of the ‘Aqi, Holliman proposes that ‘aqi even had fictive kinships similar to today’s system of chosen families, although the colonization of Christianity destroyed ancestral religious practices.
Mojave ‘Alyha and Hwame
Beyond traditional men and women, the Mojave designated two additional gender classifications. ‘Alyha referred to individuals assigned male at birth and completed female roles, while hwame were people assigned female at birth and tasked with male roles.In an interview with French ethnologist George Devereux, a Mojave elder stated, “From the very beginning of the world it was meant that there should be [transgender people], just as it was instituted that there should be shamen. They were intended for this purpose.” Despite what religious conservatives might argue, the Mojave aligned with the modern belief that transgender identities have existed as long as humanity has.
“The Mohave did not think something was seriously wrong with an individual wanting to be of the opposite sex. They did not think that that individual needed a cure or fix… Besides being thought of as mentally-ill, transgenders face religious persecution from those who believe that such individuals are “violating the will of God. Far from being accepted, transgenders in America often face segregation and exclusion. The alyha and hwame were accepted as is and incorporated into their society whereas today’s transgenders in America are often excluded and discriminated against” (Monica Kalmen).
Drawing of Mohave ‘alyha, date unknown.
Within Mojave society, two-spirit individuals were respected. ‘Alyha often married cisgender men in their communities and were sought out for healing and spiritual guidance, while hwame were tasked with hunting and warfare to the same standard as other men.
The Southwest
Over 20 percent of Native Americans reside in the American Southwest, spanning Arizona and New Mexico along the San Juan and Rio Grande. Southwest nations have remarkably interesting architecture that distinguishes them from similar cultures among the California nations.
We’wha, the Zuni Ambassador
Alongside the Plains nations, the Native Americans within the Southwest have the most extensive recorded history of two-spirit identities. The lhamana were individuals assigned male at birth in the Zuni tribes who performed female roles, but they often presented themselves in a blend of men’s and women’s clothing.
Gender-nonconforming behaviors are also recorded within Zuni legends, such as in the Destruction of Kia’nakwe. After being captured by Ku’yapäli’sa, Kor’kokshi (the firstborn God of War) was dressed in female attire “because he was so angry and unmanageable” (Matilda Coxe Stevenson). This legend is used to explain ko’thlama, Zuni individuals who permanently adopt female attire after a rite of passage.
The most famous lhamana was We’wha, who was part of a Zuni delegation to Washington DC to meet with President Grover Cleveland in 1886. We’wha served as a cultural ambassador and educator for Americans, and their life was documented by their friend Matilda Coxe Stevenson. Interestingly, We’wha used both male and female pronouns and switched based on their current occupation.
“Some declared him to be a hermaphrodite, but the writer gave no credence to the story, and continued to regard We’wha as a woman; and as he was always referred to by the tribe as ‘she’ – it being their custom to speak of men who don women’s dress as if they were women 0 and as the writer could never think of her faithful and devoted friend in any other light, she will continue to use the feminine gender when referring to We’wha” (Matilda Coxe Stevenson).
Without We’wha, we likely would not know much regarding historical Zuni two-spirit identities. While We’wha preferred weaving, she was adamant to note that lhamana performed strength-based work like hunting, and the use of both male and female pronouns was commonplace for all lhamana.
We’wha, a Zuni lhamana, circa 1886
Nádleehi & the Diné
Diné (also known as Navajo) cultures recognized nádleehi, which literally translates as “one who changes.” Nádleehi was an identity often applied to individuals assigned male at birth with “a feminine nature,” allowing them to fulfill both male and female roles in their communities. While the majority of nádleehi were male at birth, some were assigned female or intersex at birth.
Nádleehi was a fluid gender role that allowed individuals to explore their identity as long as they contributed to their community. The Diné culture designates four gender categories: feminine woman, masculine woman, feminine man, and masculine man. Unlike other categories, the nádleehi was able to freely float between these roles.
Hosteen Klah was a Diné artist and medicine person during the 1800s, as well as a nádleehi practitioner. Similar to We’wha, Hosteen is considered significant to the documentation of two-spirit history in Diné culture due to their role in preserving Diné religion (Will Roscoe).
Hosteen Klah in middle ageNavavo weaving made by Hosteen Klah, circa 1925
Hosteen was able to cement Diné history through the foundation of the Wheelwright Museum of the American Indian alongside Mary Cabot Wheelwright. Both Hosteen and Mary were concerned about the gradual erosion of Diné religion due to harsh assimilation tactics employed by missionaries and the United States government. Later in life, Hosteen demonstrated traditional art at exhibitions, such as the Century of Progress Exposition attended by President Franklin D. Roosevelt (Marc Stein).
Bibliography & Further Reading
DISCLAIMER: While the links below work at the time this article was originally published, they may not last forever – especially when government officials intentionally purge official-reviewed research and censor mainstream media.
Agonito, Joseph. American Indian Women: Telling Their Lives. University of Nebraska Press, 1995.
Bierhorst, John (ed.). The Mythology of North America. Oxford University Press, 2002.
Britannica, Encyclopaedia. “Arapaho.” “Cree.” “Indigenous Peoples of California.” “Indigenous Peoples of the Great Plains.” “Indigenous Peoples of the American Southwest.” “Mojave.” “Plateau Indian.” “Tlingit.” https://www.britannica.com
Disclaimer: None of these items are sponsored! All listed products are based on my honest and personal opinion, so take them with a grain of salt.
Affirmation Cards ($15)
In my previous gift guides for transgender men and women, I suggested affirmation journals. These journals allow users to express their feelings in a meaningful, guided format to help digest tough emotions – so if you’re able to find a suitable affirmation journal, they’re still a quality choice.
In contrast, affirmation cards replace the journaling aspect and replace it with mantras. Affirmation methods like mantras have been proven to be effective in focusing the mind and shifting individuals away from negative thoughts. These are a great DIY gift, so spend time writing affirmation statements like…
“I am worthy of receiving good things and accomplishing my goals in life.”
“I am allowed to feel upset, angry, and sad sometimes – it’s part of being human.”
“I deserve to be loved and to love others.”
“I am allowed to take up space, to have desires, and to have a voice.”
“I have done difficult things in the past, and I can do them again.”
Unfortunately, most pride merchandise is ugly – by nature, pride flags use sharp colors that make obnoxious shirts or the infamous rainbow suit. Pride apparel is also difficult to wear in public since it can feel dangerous to be openly queer in most spaces.
Pride decor offers a happy medium between these extremes since these items are kept within the comfort of one’s home. Fleece and throw blankets are comforting, safe, and always useful. We’re always queer – including at home, so help bring a little bit more pride into their life.
Unsure what pin to get them? Pronoun enamel pins are the perfect place to start, especially if they experience misgendering regularly. Or just go for pins based on their favorite interests!
Self-Care Kit ($35)
If they’ve been stressed or overwhelmed lately, self-care kits are practical and thoughtful gifts to encourage them to spend time on themselves. Self-care kits are customizable, so they offer greater freedom in choosing what items will suit your loved one best. Most kits include comfort snacks, mindfulness exercises, and candles, but anything can be self-care!
Skincare items are a great addition to transgender self-care kits. While not all transgender individuals undergo medical transition, hormone replacement therapy can be taxing on the skin during its early stages. When gifted alongside their favorite snacks, these items can make for a wonderful self-care day.
Transgender Guide & Workbook ($25)
There are thousands of self-help books available online, but a decent workbook can provide structured guidance regarding the medical, social, and legal aspects of transition. Not all transgender people want to transition, so make sure they’re interested in some aspects of the process before giving them a workbook.
While there is tons of information online, it can be exhausting to search through to find mediocre answers. Transgender-centered guides aim to answer questions they wouldn’t think to search Google about HRT, surgery, identity documents, legal rights, and more. Accepting Gender is a dense workbook created by nonbinary counselor Alex Stitt and grounded in acceptance and commitment therapy to guide readers in understanding their gender identity beyond the traditional male-female binary. Alternatively, Theo Lorenz’s Trans Self-Care Workbook is a combination coloring book and journal that uses cognitive behavioral therapy techniques and mindfulness. If they’re seeking medical or legal-based advice, check out Trans Bodies, Trans Selves instead.
Transgender Memoir ($20)
Although transgender identities have become more visible within the last decade, we’re still vastly underrepresented in the media. A good memoir connects its reader with the lived experiences of the writer, exploring their life’s challenges while offering inspiring advice and telling a captivating story.
Maia Kobabe’s Gender Queer was the most banned book in 2021, and it’s still frequently challenged by US public schools due to its content. Banned books are always important to read, and Gender Queer is a cathartic (albeit controversial) graphic novel.
Nonbinary: Memoirs of Gender and Identity is an anthology edited by Micah Rajunov and A. Scott Duane, covering the stories of over 30 writers to describe the true diversity of nonbinary experiences. There isn’t one way to be nonbinary, and this collection holds a variety of experiences that will connect.
Travis Alabanza published None of the Above: Reflections on Life Beyond the Binary in 2022. The limited amount of nonbinary identities currently represented by media currently still focuses on white perspectives to appeal to mainstream audiences. None of the Above tells the real experiences of a Black writer navigating an unkind world, needing a bit more intersectionality.
Are they social and enjoy hanging out with friends? Indie board games have seen a rise in popularity over the past decade and offer a fun way to spend quality time beyond classics like Monopoly and Scrabble.
Consider their personality and preferences. If they enjoy structured gameplay, go with a game like Gayopoly – it’s a LGBTQIA+ take on the classic game that is fairly easy to understand without reading hundreds of rules. On the other hand, go with a card-based game like Radical Queer Witches, Queeriosity, or Scurvy Buggers if they’re a social butterfly. At the end of the day, you want to make sure you get a game they’ll actually want to play with you.
Hobby Starter Kit ($25)
It’s always fun when starting a new hobby, even if you don’t stick with it. Sure, you could try to push them to continue their previous hobbies – but it’s just as easy to be the devil on their shoulder and inspire them into a new hyperinterest.
Hobby starter kits are inexpensive and save them the trouble of getting too deep into an interest before determining whether it’s for them. Here are a couple of guides filled with kit suggestions.
Corporations dominate the vast majority of the consumer market (gotta love capitalism), so it’s hard to find someone who isn’t interested in supporting small businesses. Look up to find small queer-owned businesses near you and buy a gift card to invite them to make an interesting purchase.
Maybe they’re not into physical gifts, and none of the above options stuck out. For a person who’s got it all, you can donate to a cause in their name – just make sure they’re keen on the idea.There are hundreds of nonprofits out there, so pick a charity best tailored to them. The most common ones include the ACLU, HRC, Lambda Legal, Trevor Project, A4TE, Trans Lifeline, and SAGE, but make sure to consider smaller organizations or local nonprofits.
The holiday season thrives in the spirit of consumerism, so it can be infuriating to find a quality gift with a surplus of options available. December can be especially difficult for transgender individuals due to the high chance that our gender identities are “divisive” and a reason to be cast out from our biological families. Here are ten holiday gift recommendations for the transgender women in your life.
Disclaimer: None of these items are sponsored! All listed products are based on my honest and personal opinion, so take them with a grain of salt.
Makeup 101 ($10 – $75)
Transition is expensive. Nearly every aspect is costly, although this reality comes as a surprise to many cisgender people. Makeup is no exception.
There are multiple routes you could take. The easiest (albeit least personal) option would be to purchase a gift card for a local store. If you know her shade and preferences, you can take the initiative to buy a palette or set. Or, if you’re makeup-savvy, make the gift an experience by going to the store together.
Learning to do makeup properly with the latest fashion trends can be difficult and overwhelming, especially for folks who don’t know anything about makeup. To fill this common gap that many transgender women experience, there are numerous courses available to teach the fundamentals. Both Ulta and Sephora offer individualized lessons at their stores.
Necklaces adorned with names or initials are common gifts for all women, including your transgender loved one. There is something magical about personalized jewelry; it affirms our fundamental identities and makes the bold statement, “I see you as you, and I accept you.”
The most accessible place to order personalized jewelry is Etsy, which also allows you to support a small business. Just make sure to read user reviews before placing an order.
Some transgender women are content or even prideful of their natural speaking range. Other transgender women aren’t greatly bothered if they managed to avoid testosterone-based puberty. But there are just as many other women who are uncomfortable or dysphoric about their voices since it outs them as transgender – which presents an additional safety risk that prevents going stealth.
If she falls into the latter range, you could gift the tuition for voice training. If the price tag is too steep but you know her voice bothers her, you could also create a good gift by spending time gathering relevant YouTube videos.
Journaling can be for anyone, and it’s a great tool to deal with stress and self-esteem issues. By purchasing her an affirmation journal, you’re providing her with a new coping skill to affirm her identity as a woman.
Guide her into reframing negative thoughts into optimistic ones, and dig into core beliefs holding her back. Affirmation journals come in a wide range of styles and themes – get creative and buy one based on her personal interests.
Fiction or Nonfiction Read ($30)
Is she a bookworm? Compared to the general population, transgender people receive far less positive visibility in the media. Despite this reality, seeing ourselves represented can be an incredibly beautiful and heartwarming experience.
For fiction fans, Nevada by Imogen Binnie follows Maria Griffiths’ road trip from NYC to the West Coast. Like most books written by transgender writers, Nevada has a small following compared to mainstream bestsellers – but the novel is well-received amongst LGBTQIA+ critics due to its impact on the transgender fiction scene when it was originally published in 2013.
Trans Bodies, Trans Selves is a solid nonfiction recommendation, which was edited and published by Laura Erickson-Schroth in 2014. Technically, Trans Bodies, Trans Selves is for all gender identities – but it’s an incredibly undervalued piece of literature. Based on the 1973 book Our Bodies, Ourselves (written by the Boston Women’s Health Book Collective to highlight censored topics like birth control, sexuality, abortion, and menopause), it holds a wealth of information related to transgender health.
Similar to the suggestions above, transgender people don’t frequently see themselves represented well. Memoirs are a special subcategory of nonfiction that connects us with the experiences of other transgender individuals who have gone through similar struggles.
If you’re only going to read one transgender memoir ever, make it Whipping Girl. Julia Serano’s book is a wonderful blend of personal storytelling and critical theory that shook late third-wave feminist academia. The book explores the many ways transgender women are objectified, erased, excluded, and mystified both in general culture and within feminist circles.
Jennifer Finney Boylan is a prolific writer with a dense bibliography. She transitioned at age 42 after having two children with her wife, Deirdre, and many of her memoirs tell her unique experience as a transgender parent. She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders and Stuck in the Middle With You: A Memoir of Parenting in Three Genders are Boylan’s two most well-known works to start with.
In my gift guide for transgender men, I mentioned Some Assembly Required by Arin Andrews. Rethinking Normal is its companion memoir, written by Katie Hill – Arin’s girlfriend, who wrote her own memoir about being a transgender teenage girl.
Sometimes, the best presents can’t be wrapped neatly under a tree. The gift of making memories can be just as good as anything you can put a bow on.
If she’s open to the idea, book a spa day. However, I will caveat that you need to ensure the spa is transgender-friendly to ease her concerns. There is a history of issues regarding transgender people and spas that have barred us from basic services, since all occupations are capable of bias. There isn’t much more gender-affirming than lavishly getting a facial or manicure – but it might be a good idea to book the day for two and tag along to ease her anxieties.
Of course, remember that she is an individual. If she’s into music, look up concerts in your closest city. If she likes art or history, plan some museums. Become a personalized tour guide for cool shops, interesting sites, drag shows, and nightlife.
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Kit ($25)
Organizer kits are helpful devices to keep her on top of her medication regimen, which can be beneficial if she’s forgetful or travels frequently. Unlike transgender men, most transgender women use a pill-based HRT regimen, although that doesn’t mean an HRT organizer is out of the question.
Get a fun pill organizer and help make the daily labor of pills more pleasant! Or, if you know she takes HRT via injection, get a sturdy case to help protect her medication.
Digital Artwork Commission ($)
By commissioning a digital artist, you’re supporting a small creator and giving her a deeply personal gift. Digital art is a unique way to affirm her identity – it allows her to envision herself the way she wants to be seen, even if that’s not the way she currently can present herself to the world.
Maybe she’s not into physical gifts, and none of the above options stuck out. For a woman who’s got it all, you can donate to a cause in her name – just make sure she’s keen on the idea.
There are hundreds of nonprofits out there, so pick a charity best tailored to her. The most common ones include the ACLU, HRC, Lambda Legal, Trevor Project, A4TE, Trans Lifeline, and SAGE, but make sure to consider smaller organizations or local nonprofits.
What’s the best way to make this season more enjoyable for the transgender people important to you? Here are ten gift ideas for the transgender men in your life.
These gifts are more than just “guy” things, since he’s more than just a guy to you; they affirm his core identity and remind him of the value of chosen family.
Disclaimer: None of these items are sponsored! All listed products are based on my honest and personal opinion, so take them with a grain of salt.
Chest Binder ($45) or TransTape ($20)
Most transgender men will bind their chest at some point to create a more masculine appearance and alleviate chest dysphoria. By getting him a chest binder, you’re also ensuring he binds safely with proper tools and sizing.
GC2B came under fire when they altered their original binder design, but I still believe they make the best binder for price, comfort, and accessibility. The GC2B Classic 2.0 utilizes the design of their beloved binder with an added durability stitch to provide a daily binder that gives excellent compression.
TransTape is a medical-grade adhesive that allows guys to flatten their chests without wearing a traditional binder. The process is pretty unique, and it isn’t suited to all body types, but it’s an amazing alternative that most guys will want to try out at least once.
Want to know more about binding, safety precautions, and recommendations? Read this guide!
Stand-to-Pee (STP) Device ($50)
STPs allow transgender men (or anyone, really) to urinate standing up through a funnel that creates a seal over the urethra. They offer a great deal of convenience since most men’s restrooms emphasize urinals over stalls and provide gender euphoria. STPs also increase safety since standing to pee delivers stealth, compared to the assumed suspicion of sitting to urinate in public male spaces.
TG Supply’s Lou is considered the best budget-friendly “all-in-one” STP for beginners. Despite sitting at a relatively low price point, the Lou is capable of daily packing, standing-to-pee functionality, and intimate “play” activities. And unlike some unwieldy STPs, the Lou takes little practice to master.
Consider yourself quirky and crafty? Basic STPs are easy to make at home, although they won’t look very “penis-like” to be stealth at a urinal.
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Kit ($25)
If he travels frequently, a portable HRT kit is a great gift to keep his medication secure. These tend to use hard casing to allow users to store testosterone vials, syringes, bandages, and alcohol wipes. The case protects the glass vials in case of being dropped and ensures everything stays organized – which can reduce the hassle when going through TSA.
Note: Always keep your prescription label with your medication, especially when traveling with testosterone. HRT kits also don’t insulate medication, so remember that testosterone needs to be kept at a certain temperature to remain usable.
Guys have a complex relationship with these early “beards.” It’s the first facial hair we’re able to grow, so we’re hesitant to shave, similar to teenage boys – regardless of how bad it may look. The Dollar Shave Club and Harry’s both provide excellent starter shaving sets that ease him into shaving.
Journaling can be a great tool to deal with stress and self-esteem issues, which all men experience – including transgender men. By getting him an affirmation journal, you’re guiding him to reframe negative thoughts into optimistic ones and dig into core beliefs holding him back.
Unlike other gift recommendations, I don’t have a particular product in mind. Any affirmation journal works, but he’ll probably appreciate one centered for masculine experiences (in other words, don’t get a sparkly pink one unless he likes pink and has a good sense of humor).
If he’s not the most keen on journaling, you could make a challenge with a reward at the end through joint goal setting. It’s never too early to make New Year’s resolutions!
Transgender Guide & Workbook ($20)
For guys less-than-confident about their transition, workbooks provide structured guidance regarding medical, social, and legal transition. These books are both self-help and data-packed to answer questions he wouldn’t think to ask.
The Queer and Transgender Resilience Workbook by Anneliese A. Singh and Sage Buch’s The Transmasculine Guide to Physical Transition Workbook: For Trans, Nonbinary, and Other Masculine Folks are tied for this spot. Both books have interactive exercises to inspire readers to delve deeper into their identities and gender affirmation journeys.
There’s something magical about reading a good memoir. As transgender men, we lack quality media that authentically represent our gender identity and manage to still tell a captivating story. Unlike other nonfiction, good memoirs weave advice while exploring the author’s life to inspire the reader.
There are hundreds of transgender memoirs out there, but the three I recommend most are Becoming a Visible Man, Balls, and Some Assembly Required since they’re great starting points – even for folks not into reading nonfiction.
Becoming a Visible Man was published by Jamison Green in 2004, considered a classic amongst transgender memoirs as Jamison relates his medical transition at the age of 40. Most assume folks have to transition as soon as possible, usually around the age of 18, but Jamison represents an experience just as common, even if rarely shown.
Chris Edwards wrote Balls: It Takes Some to Get Some in 2016 to chronicle his experience seeking gender affirmation surgery. There’s a stark lack of information regarding female-to-male bottom surgery, and Balls has been praised for humanizing the journey.
Some Assembly Required: The Not-So-Secret Life of a Transgender Teen was the first transmasculine memoir I ever read, so I’m admittedly attached to it. Like the other two books, it’s humorous but instead focuses on Arin Andrews’ time in high school as a transgender young person. If the transgender man in your life has identified as trans since he was a teenager, he’ll enjoy the read.
Pride flags are cool. The only problem with pride flags is that most folks get the cheapest one available. Even if his current flag was purchased at a pride festival or queer nonprofit, there is a high likelihood that the quality will be terrible and that it was produced in sweatshops overseas. In my previous work at a queer nonprofit, they purchased flags in bulk from Temu to sell at full price – so it’s more likely than you think.
My recommendation is getting a flag through a small business, like Flags for Good. Their flags are made ethically for the same price you’ll see at major pride festivals. They also design flags, so you can give him something unique – like a pride flag catered to his home state or city.
Gifts don’t have to be physically wrapped and put under a tree to be enjoyed. If he’s more into making memories, plan something to do together based on his interests. Make a day (or weekend) trip to your nearest city, look up cool shops, drag shows, museums, concerts, and support meetings.
Even in conservative states, cities remain liberal hubs with plenty of attractions and are pretty open-minded. So get to planning!
Charity Donation (Pick Your Own Budget!)
Maybe he’s not into physical gifts, and none of the above options stuck out. For a guy who’s got it all, you can donate to a cause in his name – just make sure he’s keen on the idea.
There are hundreds of nonprofits out there, so pick a charity best tailored to him. The most common ones include the ACLU, HRC, Lambda Legal, Trevor Project, A4TE, Trans Lifeline, and SAGE, but make sure to consider smaller organizations or local nonprofits.
ROD is an international database that includes available data dating back to 1970. The site distinguishes between several acts that lead to transgender death – including targeted violence, suicide, medical malpractice, and police brutality.
Remembering Our Dead estimates that 276 transgender people died unfairly from January 1st, 2025, to November 20th, 2025. 204 deaths were the direct result of anti-transgender violence, 53 were via suicide, 2 occurred due to medical malpractice, and 4 died in police custody. The remaining 13 are uncategorized due to a lack of public information.
44 of the 276 deaths occurred in the United States, accounting for 16% of the global rate, and places the USA as the second most deadly place to be transgender after Brazil. Despite claiming to be the most prosperous country in the world, the United States has a long-standing history of being devastatingly deadly towards transgender individuals throughout the years that Remembering Our Dead has collected data.
Knowing this information, what is the best way to honor the dead? Hundreds of individuals are unfairly taken each year, regardless of the number of vigils held. How can one take meaningful action?
If you have not done so yet this year, read through the lives of names and stories lost within the past year. Remember that each person was more than a mere name; they were a three-dimensional person with loved ones, hobbies, and passions.
Parker Savarese
Elisa Rae Shupe
Aubrey Dameron
Tahiry Broom
Sam Nordquist
Ervianna Johnson
Amyri Dior
Linda Becerra Moran
Jordan “JJ” Maye
Charlene Cook
Katelyn Rinnetta Benoit
Kaitoria Le’Cynthia Bankz (“Kai”)
Norah Horwitz
Kelsey Elem
Shy’Parius Dupree
Karmin Wells
Charlotte Fosgate
Jonathan Joss
Tessa June
Jax Gratton
Laura Schueler
Hope Lyca Youngblood
Emma Slabach
JJ Godbey
Christina Hayes
Gabrielle Nguyen (“Cam”)
Lily-Dawn Harkins
Kia-Leigh Tabitha Roberts
Kamora Woods
Arty Cassidy Beowulf Gibson
Nathaniel Pabón Cruz (“Nata”)
Dream Johnson
Blair A. Sawyer
Rosa Machuca
Kasí Rhea (“Kaeyy Holmes”)
Onyx Cornish
Aurora Pellegrina (“Alexa”, “Luna”)
Robyn James Post
Blake Sturm
Blaze Aleczander Balle-Mason
Scarlett
Tiara Love Tori Jackson
Lia Smith
Marisol Payero
Reach out to LGBTQIA+ organizations and groups near you to find information on community vigils. Around the world, people organize gatherings for TDOR to emphasize the reality that the dead may be gone, but they will never be forgotten. Even if you do not live in an area hosting a TDOR vigil locally, there are several public events hosted online.
With each passing year, the list of dead grows exponentially, and it becomes easier to fall into grief or fury that nothing changes. While we live in a time where transgender people are more easily documented and identifiable for data compared to decades ago, we still live in a society that demonizes transgender identity. For each transgender person remembered authentically as who they were, there are others who are misrepresented by their obituaries and media reporters. The TDOR list continues to grow just as hate and bigotry festers, leading others to commit acts of grotesque violence or pass anti-transgender legislation to make our existence illegal.
How will you make this TDOR different from previous years? How do we keep ourselves alive and fighting against inequality? Troubled times make it easy to give into fear and grief, which is why suicide and mental health crises are at an all-time high amongst transgender people.
We live in a society that incentivizes anger – it gets the most attention and the world has no shortage of things to be outraged over. If you must be angry, be furious over the lives that have been unfairly taken and take action. It is exhausting to witness cisgender allies tear up at vigils and fail to do anything more meaningful than light a candle. Vigils are important and we need to be remembered, but greater action is necessary to curb the ever-growing list; there are thousands of ways to take action if you take the time to look.
When communicating with federal officials, emphasize phone calls and in-person visits. Emails and written letters are overwhelmingly unread and unanswered. All constituents have the right to call their official’s office and discuss issues. Depending on their schedule, you may not speak to your official directly, but all phone calls are answered by assistants who are required to report high-interest matters to your representative. While this process can be exhausting, it’s a highly effective form of lobbying that anyone can do – which is why conservatives use phone lobbying so readily.
Organizing a vigil or related event for Transgender Day of Remembrance? Don’t let the event be entirely somber. Use the weight of TDOR to move people to action, remind them that they have a right to be angry in a world where their transgender siblings are no longer alive.
Lastly, remember that resilient survival is its own act of rebellion. In a county that condemns transgender identity, each day you continue to survive is another day you live in spite of their agenda.
Technically speaking, the American LGBTQ+ Museum does not exist. Yet. Planning for a national LGBTQIA+ history museum began in 2017 and has been under construction over the past five years. Ultimately, it hopes to host hundreds of thousands of visitors throughout 4,000 square feet of physical space, combined with virtual exhibitions, in New York City.
The American LGBTQ+ Museum is currently on track to officially open to the public in 2027.
The ArQuives
Although the ArQuives are Canadian, their online collection is extensive enough that it deserves to be included. Originally founded in 1973 as the Canadian Gay Liberation Movement Archives, it preserves thousands of books, diaries, portraits, zines, press clippings, videos, posters, cassettes, buttons, flags, T-shirts, and other items of note.
Digital Transgender Archives
The DTA uses material from more than sixty international colleges, universities, nonprofit organizations, and private collections to serve as the world’s largest transgender library. The site works similarly to the Internet Archive and is completely free for individuals to use.
DTA hosts born-digital materials, digitized records, and non-digital archives. Its collection is curated from content before 2000, so post-2000 materials are not hosted through the DTA.
DID YOU KNOW?
LGBTQIA+ people have existed everywhere, which means every city has the potential to have a local LGBTQIA+ museum, such as St. Louis, San Diego, and Boston. Search what resources that are close to you to learn more about local queer history!
If your area does not have any related institutions, you have the power to create your own. Queer history is tomorrow, yesterday – and today.
Gerber/Hart LGBTQ+ Library & Archives
Based in Chicago, Gerber/Hart is one of the largest LGBTQIA+ libraries in the United States and houses 14,000 volumes and 800 periodicals. Unlike other notable museums, like the GLBT Historical Society, Gerber/Hart boasts an impressive online collection and exhibits for online users to browse.
GLBT Historical Society
Even though the GLBT Historical Society hosts a smaller collection than some of its colleagues, it is the second full-scale stand-alone museum in the world and is one of the few American LGBTQIA+ archives that hosts paid staff to produce exhibitions, programming, and research.
Interference Archive
Okay, the Interference Archive isn’t necessarily queer. It’s a volunteer-run library centered on social movements, which includes the history of LGBTQIA+ equality. Activism and social justice produce unique memorabilia to sway the general public, and thus the Interference Archive is filled with posters, zines, buttons, and materials used by activists to change the world.
Leather Archives & Museum
LA&M is the leading institution preserving queer erotica and has been preserving kink and fetish history since 1991. It was originally established in response to the AIDS crisis due to the inherent kink associated with LGBTQIA+ people decades ago. Without the LA&M, history from leather and fetish communities would have been lost, intentionally suppressed, or discarded.
The LA&M is open to the general public, and its collection is available to view online. However, due to the nature of its material, users must be at least 18 years old to view online collections or visit the LA&M.
After robbing and inflicting immense pain on Matthew due to being gay, hits murderers tied him to a split-rail fence and left him to die. His murder, as well as the murders of James Byrd Jr. and Brandon Teena, received international attention as the public called for greater legal protection for minorities.
Lesbian Herstory Archives
Also based in New York City, the Lesbian Herstory Archives is both a community center and a library to preserve lesbian history. In their own words, the Lesbian Herstory Archives aims to protect “history that has always included, and continues to include, lesbian women, butches, femmes, cross dressers, passing women, and those who are trans, two spirited, same-gender-loving, as well as others, all of whom at times were, and still can be, made to feel unwelcome in the world by others, sometimes even by other Lesbians.”
The downside to the Lesbian Herstory Archives is that just part of their collection is digitized, so individuals will only be able to view a small proportion of the museum. The Archives have been around since 1974 and are considered the world’s largest collection of lesbian material, but they only recently began digitizing items.
LGBTQ National History Archives
The United States National Archives exists to preserve and provide public access to notable records created throughout US history. Most individuals seek the National Archives for data on family genealogy, military services, and documentation regarding previous laws, voting records, and budgets. For the majority of Americans, the National Archives are boring but necessary to ensure the federal government is relatively accountable and transparent.
The National Archives has a dedicated department for LGBTQIA+ records. Many of the National Archives’ items have been digitized for users to browse online, but hundreds of thousands of items are available online to view in person.
It is critical to consider the impact of current politics on the preservation of history. While most administrations have valued the importance of the National Archives regardless of political affiliation, that does not mean current or future parties won’t attempt to corrupt its data’s integrity.
While other LGBTQIA+ archives work to preserve general and region-specific history, the LGBTQ-RAN encourages the study and preservation of LGBTQIA+ religious works. Its collection is entirely virtual and spans various denominations of Christianity, Judaism, Wicca, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, and Native American spirituality.
Library of Congress
In addition to the National Archives, the general public has access to the Library of Congress. The LOC also serves as the federal research service for Congress and operates the United States Copyright Office.
As one of the largest libraries in the world, the LOC contains 173 million items and 14 petabytes of content from around the globe. Although the Library of Congress employs federal employees, its staff are not tied to any given administration and aim to contain as much knowledge as possible without discrimination.
The ONE Archives stems from the ONE Institute, the oldest active LGBTQIA+ organization in the country. ONE was created from the Mattachine Society in 1952 to help publish the United States’ first national gay periodical as ONE Magazine.
Given the fact that the ONE Archives descend from ONE Magazine, it makes sense that the organization values the preservation of queer history. It contains over 2 million items in its collection, ranging from books and films to photographs and buttons.
When Bayard is mentioned, it’s rarely discussed that Bayard was a gay Black man. In reality, this is why few people know him – Bayard was advised by his fellow civil rights advocates to lead from behind the scenes since his gay identity could possibly bring criticism to the community. Even today in places like the National Civil Rights Museum, Bayard’s identity is still enveloped in whispers.
Queer Zine Archive Project
Zines have a unique place in LGBTQIA+ history, allowing queer and punk activists a new medium to represent their ideas. QZAP was founded in 2003 to provide universal online access to preserved zines as another “living history” of larger queer culture.
Smithsonian Institute
Although there are larger museums, the Smithsonian plays a critical role as the federal authority on education and research. Prior to 1967, the Smithsonian was known as the United States National Museum – and today, the organization holds 157 items across 21 museums, 21 libraries, 14 education centers, various historical landmarks, and a zoo.
The Smithsonian also contains items related to LGBTQIA+ history, which is why it’s worth checking out when diving deeper into queer studies. However, compared to other federal entities, the Smithsonian has been the most directly targeted by political administrations to change and fit alternate agendas.
The Stonewall Inn and its associated riots occurred in New York City. The Stonewall National Museum, Archives & Library, on the other hand, is based in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. While it boasts an impressive digital collection, the Stonewall Museum, Archives & Library is most famous for its detailed LGBTQIA+ History Timeline, known as In Plain Sight.
The Center’s Archives
The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, & Transgender Community Center of New York City (also known as The Center) is arguably the largest LGBTQIA+ community center in the United States. The Center has been the starting point for many other important agencies, such as GLAAD and ACT UP, and hosts its own library archive.
Transgender Oral History Project
Originally, the Transgender Oral History Project was a documentary series meant to compile the experiences of transgender communities across the United States. The project behind the Transgender Oral History Project donated its items to the University of Minnesota so they could focus on their current project, “America in Transition.”
In addition to Halloween, October serves as LGBTQIA+ History Month. It’s been observed since 1994, when Missouri high school teacher Rodney Wilson believed his students deserved the opportunity to learn about queer role models. LGBTQIA+ history is actively being erased by those in political power, making learning about queer history into rebellion. Teaching, learning, and knowing queer history builds community and serves as a reminder to stand with civil rights.
No matter your age, October presents a perfect opportunity to learn about LGBTQIA+ history. Refresh yourself on the facts, arm yourself with knowledge. Queer history is under attack.
Being included in the above list DOES NOT mean that the country officially endorses LGBTQIA+ History Month. In 2026, it’s expected that Brazil and Venezuela will participate in their own celebrations.
Queer culture was heavily impacted by the ballroom scene in New York City, an underground subculture amongst gay and transgender Black and Latino Americans seeking a community to express themselves during the 1980s. Paris Is Burning was THE documentary that chronicled an aspect of queer history that would have otherwise been completely forgotten.
There aren’t many lists that don’t recommend Paris Is Burning. Most folks see RuPaul’s Drag Race and assume that’s the extent of drag culture – but drag has a complex history that NYC’s ballroom scene mixed into. Competing houses, chosen family, the freedom to transgress gender roles, and perform. At the same time, Paris Is Burning showcases critical aspects of the time, such as the AIDS crisis and the woes of being a sex worker in impoverished New York City.
Best accompanied with Before Stonewall (1984), Gay USA was filmed entirely on June 26, 1977, to document pride celebrations throughout the United States. Camaramen recorded demonstrations in San Diego, Houston, Los Angeles, Chicago, Philadelphia, San Francisco, and New York City in response to the murder of Robert Hillsborough.
Gay USA memorializes the time between Stonewall and the AIDS crisis, when the LGBTQIA+ community was beginning to receive organized backlash from figures like Anita Bryant. Anita and other anti-gay activists were compelled by Stonewall to advocate for the repeal of anti-discrimination laws that were fought for during the 1960s. History takes two steps forward, one step back – which resonates today.
Part of Different from the Others *is* lost to history. When the Nazis came to power in the 1930s, they purposely sought out and destroyed documentation, research, and media that referenced queer identities. The film was burned and believed forgotten until a partially destroyed copy was discovered in the early 2000s. The film was reconstructed and shortened to preserve as much of the plot as possible, which is how it exists today in its abridged version.
If you’re looking for something more fun, RENT (2005) is a film adaptation of the Broadway production that centers on a group of friends struggling to survive during the New York City AIDS crisis despite exorbitant rent and medication costs.
Boys Don’t Cry (1999)
Brandon Teena was a real transgender man who was raped and murdered in rural Nebraska. Boys Don’t Cry is a fictional adaptation of his story – Brandon found himself in Nebraska after running into trouble with the law, believing he had a chance to start fresh as authentically himself with new friends and a chosen family.
Boys Don’t Cry is a fictional account of a real story. For greater detail regarding Brandon and his story, watch The Brandon Teena Story (1998).
Five Books for LGBTQIA+ History Month
A Queer History of the United States by Michael Bronski
Bronski’s 2011 book is perhaps the best piece of media to become acquainted with LGBTQIA+ American history. It covers the entirety of queer history in the United States, spanning from before 1492 to the book’s publication. Gay people have always existed, but few films focus on history before Stonewall.
A Queer History of the United States details gay pilgrims, sodomy laws, crossdressing Civil War soldiers, and the purity culture that shaped America. Most of its information is relatively broad (Jonathan Ned Katz’sGay American History is considerably more detailed, but also extremely dense), which makes it a great starting point to introduce readers to LGBTQIA+ history.
Just as with gay men and lesbians, transgender people have existed as long as humans have had concepts related to gender. Transgender History by Susan Stryker is essentially a trans-focused version of Michael Bronski’s book.
In just 200 pages, Stryker overviews major events and individuals that led us to today. In other words, Stryker’s work (which was published in 2008) is the most in-depth book that covers transgender history in the United States. There isn’t a 1000-page “Transgender American History.” There might be someday, but not yet.
In the 1980s, journalist Randy Shilts took it upon himself to document the discovery and spread of HIV/AIDS – even though other journalists weren’t doing so at the time. This book is best read alongside How to Survive a Plague to give a comprehensive account of the political landscape LGBTQIA+ people were fighting in the 1980s. And the Band Played On was produced into a film adaptation in 1993; How to Survive a Plague was originally a movie that was later made into a book in 2016.
And the Band Played On centers on the premise that the United States government was intentionally indifferent to the suffering of LGBTQIA+ people victimized by AIDS. Due to the federal government failing to fund research and treatment options, the US allowed the spread of HIV to exponentially increase into a crisis.
How to Survive a Plague follows the actions of groups like ACT UP and TAG, but both books are valuable when considering this time period. And the Band Played On is considerably older (it was published in the midst of the AIDS crisis and helped cement international attention). It drew criticism from academic and scientific communities that refused to believe they were complicit in the AIDS crisis by failing to act.
Others argue that Shilts shouldn’t have called Gaëtan Dugas “Patient Zero” since it normalized the idea that gay men were overtly infectious, since Dugas intentionally continued to have unprotected sex after being told he had contracted HIV. Dugas was one of the first major cases in North America leading up to the AIDS crisis, but he wasn’t Patient Zero. On the other hand, Shilts was writing during the crisis – so the book is a product of its time. In his point of view, as likely the view of many other queer people at the time, Dugas should have used protection when having sex with others once he had learned he had HIV. Dugas was still a victim. Both statements can be true.
Before Serano’s book, feminist academia wasn’t particularly friendly to transgender scholars. This history still matters – feminism has not always had a history of being inclusive or intersectional, which is why TERFs still exist today and dominate some feminist spaces. Whipping Girl criticized mainstream feminist circles for failing to stand with transgender people, cementing the reality that transgender struggles are part of the general feminist movement leading up to the third wave.
Many Americans are aware of the insane war that Senator Joseph McCarthy waged by charging government officials, agencies, and everyday Americans as communists during a time period when there was hardly anything worse you could be. The Red Scare is taught as a core part of US history to public school students, emphasizing how the national government engaged in a wrongful witch hunt in the 1950s.
Fewer people know of the Lavender Scare, which occurred at the same time. McCarthy made unsubstantiated claims that the federal government was also compromised by homosexuals who posed just as much of a national security threat as communists did. David E. Johnson’s The Lavender Scare chronicles this legacy and how Joseph McCarthy managed to bar LGBTQIA+ people from jobs in the public sector by associating them with the USSR.
Queer History YOU Should Know #1 During the Middle Ages, individuals assigned female at birth would occasionally live socially as men in monasteries (monachoparthenoi). While these transgender men weren’t open about their identities, it was the most socially acceptable way they could express themselves in Medieval Europe.
Some of these monks, such as Saint Marinos and Anastasia the Patrician, were even later canonized as Catholic saints – although the Vatican isn’t too willing to refer to these individuals as men.
Five Podcasts for LGBTQIA+ History Month
Making Gay History
Making Gay History has produced *14 seasons* worth of content, which might make it the longest-running LGBTQIA+ podcast. Their last episode aired in April, but it’s a fairly safe bet to assume season 15 will air in a few months once their writers have had a break.
The podcast covers a variety of topics, but most of its episodes center on individuals who played significant roles throughout LGBTQIA+ history. Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, Vito Russo, Larry Kramer, Magnus Hirschfeld, Bayard Rustin – the list goes on.
Closeted History
Originally started to help teachers include LGBTQIA+ topics into their lesson plans, the creators behind Closeted History were led to hosting weekly trivia that eventually became their current podcast. The series is produced by educator Destiny Clarke, aiming to showcase queer and transgender history largely forgotten or ignored by history books.
Bad Gays
These days, LGBTQIA+ history is being more frequently included in larger narratives – even if it’s not commonly taught yet. Academics are finally interested in unearthing queer stories! That’s generally a good thing.
Bad Gays explores the lives of not-so-great queer people throughout history. While historians are getting around to admitting figures like Alexander the Great, Audre Lorde, and Shakespeare were gay, they avoid remembering the stories of queer people who lived less than remarkable lives.
Thus, Bad Gays explores LGBTQIA+ people who are forgotten by other academics due to being criminals, deviants, or generally unethical. It’s a great addition to folks already knowledgeable on LGBTQIA+ history since it reaffirms the fact that, since queer people are people, we range along the morality spectrum. Bad Gays *isn’t* recommended for people new to LGBTQIA+ history.
History is Gay
Leigh Pfeffer and Gretch Jones produced a wealth of content until the podcast History is Gay was eventually retired in 2023. It’s one of the most listened to pieces of media on queer history, alongside Making Gay History and Queer as Fact, and covers a TON of topics in hour-long monthly segments. History is Gay won’t be receiving any new episodes, but it covers topics unlikely to be found elsewhere.
Queer as Fact
Although Queer as Fact is based in Australia, it has reliably produced two seasons of episodes per year. Topics span the entire world, so you’ll get a good education in not just American and European history (like most sources focus on), but also LGBTQIA+ stories from China, Haiti, Nigeria, Mexico, and Iran. Like Making Gay History, you’ll continue to get new content if you find yourself hooked on Queer as Fact.
Queer History YOU Should Know #2 Stonewall was a critical turning point for LGBTQIA+ history that led to increased visibility, acceptance, and rights. However, the story on what exactly happened that night in 1969 is just as much folktale as fact.
There are multiple conflicting accounts regarding Stonewall. Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera were influential figures behind the events leading up to Stonewall as well as organizing the masses later into action – but Marsha herself stated she never threw the first brick. Stonewall also didn’t happen because queer people were made over the death of Judy Garland: Stonewall was the consequence of repetitive police raids on gay bars despite LGBTQIA+ people already blackmailed by the NYC mafia for protection.
Five Video Series for LGBTQIA+ History Month
Jessica Keligren-Fozard
Most known for her videos on disability awareness, vintage fashion, and LGBTQIA+ history, Jessica has created content on YouTube since 2011. Her channel has a series of both queer history shorts and long video-essay style videos to appeal to folks with short and not-so-short attention spans.
Jessica’s content is also great for teaching disability allyship and intersectionality since disability inclusion is still overwhelmingly ignored in social justice spaces.
Kaz Rowe
Kaz is both a cartoonist and YouTuber, maintaining their ongoing webcomic while producing relatively eclectic videos. In short, they love history – their videos are detailed and explore topics like the Middle Ages, Victorian period, and everything in between. Pirates, monks and knights, cowboys, and the industrial revolution – what more could you ask for?
Powered by Rainbows
Even though Powered By Rainbows is geared towards schools, its content is detailed and versatile. The channel has a large team that allows it to post several times each week. The website behind Powered By Rainbows is also a fantastic resource, extensively covering LGBTQIA+ in easy and accessible courses.
It is also worth noting that Powered By Rainbows is more than just a history channel. Generally, the channel focuses on LGBTQIA+-related news but it also produces content related to queer history and theory.
The Book of Queer
This video series was produced in five parts by Discovery+ in 2022, but it’s extremely well-made and engaging. The Book of Queer is partially available to watch for free on YouTube, bringing LGBTQIA+ history on screen with reenactments and interviews that make otherwise dry content too boring to be interesting.
As a comedy documentary, The Book of Queer is fun to watch. Its humor is becoming increasingly dated, however, due to the high use of queer slang popular in 2022.
Rowan Ellis
Similar to Powered By Rainbows and Kaz Rowe, Rowan Ellis’s content tends to be eclectic – she’s been uploading content to YouTube since 2014 regarding LGBTQIA+ issues, feminism, Autism, and polyamory – and plenty more. Rowan’s videos are well-researched, and while more of her content centers on queer media, art is an important aspect of history.
No matter what format you prefer your content, there’s something out there to get you more acquainted with LGBTQIA+ history. Make the active goal this October to spend time with one of these pieces and find yourself a bit more educated by next month.
Next week, I’ll be covering other ways to learn about LGBTQIA+ history in-person and virtually.
No matter who you are, names have unparalleled importance since they often define us and serve as a core aspect of our identity. Names may have even more significance to transgender people since they play a vital role in affirming our gender identities and overall health.
Disclaimer: This article should serve as a GUIDE, not a MANUAL. Every journey is different, and thus, there is no singular way to be trans. Some of these tips may be helpful, while others may not – and that’s okay!
Choosing a new name can be a stressful process. Many (but not all) transgender people choose a new name to identify with as part of their transition since most names have a traditional gender associated with them, so a new name is needed as part of the transition journey. The new name is referred to as a chosen name or affirmed name, whereas the old name they were assigned at birth may be called their deadname, former name, birth name, assigned name, legal name, or some other variant.
The term ‘preferred name’ is ill-advised since it linguistically implies a transgender person’s new name is simply a preference to their previous name – and thus their previous name is still able to be used. Preferred names do exist, but only if someone has multiple chosen names they like being referred by, and not if the only two ‘options’ are a chosen name and a deadname.
One of the most common sources of names (for transgender and cisgender people alike) is family history. There is a certain prestige associated with being named after an important relative, which is why it’s not uncommon for people to pick names from these traditions. Take linguistics into account while picking your name, too. Heritage can be a fantastic inspiration, but be mindful of whether your prospective names have certain races and ethnicities associated with them.
It’s a good idea to take your family into account, regardless of the name you ultimately choose. If you have three cousins named some variant of Megan, do you really want to be the fourth? What about the family drama of picking the same name as your sibling? And while ancestor names are great, you might (or might not) want to be a 20-year-old guy named Bartholomew in 2025. Relatedly, you can also discuss names with your family, such as your parents, assuming they are supportive of your identity. At the end of the day, the name you go by is yours to decide.
Personal Interests: Make It Fun!
The other most common inspiration trans folks draw names from is from personal interests, like celebrities, authors, musicians, actors, historical figures, and characters they admire. This isn’t something just trans people do, either – plenty of cisgender prospective parents use celebrities when coming up with names, as evidenced by name trends whenever there’s a new famous baby born or a new actor that ascends to stardom. However, as mentioned in the previous section, be mindful of names that have associated races and ethnicities attached to them, since it’s poor taste to take a Japanese or Black name as a white person.
There are additional factors to take into account when using this type of inspiration. First, be aware that celebrities are people – musicians are more associated with scandals, but any human is capable of doing less-than-admirable things. In the very least, your chosen name will remind you of a person you used to look up to. At most, you might have an extremely infamous name like O.J. that’s widely associated with a public scandal. Furthermore, your interests will inevitably change – it’s human! Just be mindful of the fact that your favorite anime or TV show will be different from today compared to ten years from now.
It’s Your Name, Resonate With It!
At the end of the day, you don’t need a reason behind your name. You’re allowed to pick any name you resonate with – so consider names you’ve always liked. Some folks use baby name books to spark inspiration, which works too!
While family may provide great suggestions for prospective names, friends and community members can also be a good source. Is there a nickname you’ve always gone by that could work? Are there ways to masculinize, feminize, or androgynize your name? You don’t have to get an entirely new name – some individuals choose to alter their name to simply better fit their gender identity.
Try It Out: Getting Used To Your Name
It can be awkward adjusting to a new name. Make an active effort and practice using your new name in conversations. If you’re struggling with it, the advice I recommend to cisgender folks adjusting to friends and family members’ new names is PRACTICE. Specifically, for each time you mess up, say aloud the correct name in a sentence at least five times. The only way to correct old habits is by forming new ones, which is why folks struggle with change unless they make the effort.
There are also resources online for this same purpose. Take an extra step and use your new name in other online settings, like forums and social media accounts, so you can normalize your chosen name in additional settings. Some sites I recommend include:
Names are a big deal! Do you care if your name is easy to spell or pronounce? In places such as the United States, non-white names will often be misspelled or mispronounced, as well as nontraditional white names like Mehgnn, Airwrecka, or Brandeigh. I want to emphasize that there is nothing wrong with having a “difficult” name, but be prepared to correct people.
Another important aspect to consider is whether you need your name to come across as “professional.” Ultimately, people make predictions based on names alone – even before someone has met you, they’ve already made assumptions about you. Certain names are associated with distinct ages, personalities, and other factors. Do you want one name used universally, or would you prefer different variations like Benjamin, Ben, Benny, and Benji?
Making It Official
To legally change your name outside of marriage or divorce, you must file a court order. This generally requires paperwork to be filed with your local circuit court. Contrary to popular belief, you do not file your name change in your birth city/county – you file your change with the county you live in. The exact forms vary by state, but guidance isn’t too difficult to find since many people change their legal names for non-transition reasons. The forms have to be filed electronically or otherwise online unless you qualify for an exemption. If you qualify, your documents can be filed in person at your local courthouse.
Once filed, you’ll be assigned a court date in the near future, where you will appear before a judge and explain the reasoning for the change before it is officially signed. On that date, you will need to make sure you have your stamped copies of your Name Change Request and Order for Name Change, as well as any criminal records (including any documentation showing previous felonies discharged). Answer the judge and their questions honestly. If the court denies your name change request, ask for another hearing – you have the right to do so. If it was denied due to a mistake on your part, ask the judge to continue the hearing to a later date so you can correct the error. Otherwise, you have the right to file an appeal as long as you file within 30 days of the judge’s decision. Occasionally, some judges will deny trans-related name changes due to personal bias – but these aren’t permissible and are overwhelmingly overturned once appealed. In the words of Lambda Legal, “a judge cannot arbitrarily deny you a name change based on transphobic or sexist notions.”
Looking for a way to remove your deadname while browsing the internet? This free Chrome extension visually replaces your deadname with your chosen name – although it doesn’t actually change your name in the computer code or legally.
This order almost always requires a fee, although it can often be waived if you meet certain income-based criteria. The fee varies drastically based on median county income, but criteria waivers often include:
A number of states require applicants to publish their upcoming name change in a local newspaper, although this is being changed since it is unhelpful and outs folks. This requirement was originally created to notify debt collectors in order to better follow-up on cases.
If your court file open to the public poses a legitimate risk to your health or safety, you can file a Motion to Impound, which requires courts to make your forms private and therefore inaccessible to the public without specific permission granted by a judge. This comes up more often with trans folks since these records potentially out you as transgender.
As one final note, always remember you are allowed to change your name. It’s your identity! It’s okay if the name you choose today isn’t your forever name.
For most, college is both exciting and terrifying. Along with turning eighteen, entering college is the cornerstone of young adulthood for Americans. Finished with high school, college is the first real transition Americans experience as they move away to live separately from their parents. That brings independence, new social opportunities, the need for money management, and everything else that comes with living on your own.
Until recently, the legal understanding of Title IX was that if the law applies to biological sex, then discrimination against one’s adherence or nonadherence to biological sex-associated gender roles and stereotypes wholly falls under Title IX as sex discrimination. If a gay man is harassed on campus because he isn’t masculine enough, it constitutes Title IX because anti-queer harassment ultimately relies on sex-based stereotypes. All Biden’s guidance did was allow LGBTQIA+ students to file discrimination more easily since they could argue it was based on sexual orientation or gender identity rather than having to make the roundabout case above. TLDR: You are still protected under Title IX as a transgender student, but under the Trump administration, you’ll have to file your argument differently.
The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) protects students’ information and confidentiality. Once in college, your parents can no longer have access to your records without your explicit consent. So, while your parents would know if you changed your name or pronouns on school documents while in high school, that is no longer the case at college since FERPA forbids that information from being shared. FERPA also requires schools to prevent outing as much as possible, so staff are unable to share your personal information with other professors or students.
Colleges cannot require proof of your gender identity or legal changes to update most documents like student emails, IDs, and rosters. The only exception to this is your health records and college diploma, which will require legal documentation to change.
Professors need to call you by your chosen name, even if it’s not legally changed. People are allowed to make honest mistakes, but purposely misgendering and deadnaming transgender students puts them at increased risk of harm since it outs them.
Colleges have a responsibility to take action when informed of bullying, harassment, and discrimination on campus – including when it applies to queer and transgender students.
Students have a right to use the restroom and locker room that aligns with their gender identity, and colleges cannot force students to use separate facilities. It’s great if a school has a gender-neutral bathroom, but they can’t require you to use it since that would violate the Equal Access Act. I’ll caveat here that locker rooms are up in the air since the Trump administration is waging a war on transgender students’ access to sports.
You have the right to present yourself as your gender identity. Colleges cannot police or restrict expression simply because they dislike it or it’s “controversial.” The Supreme Court has a long history of supporting students’ right to self-expression. Schools cannot ban you from wearing a dress unless they ban dresses amongst all students, nor can they ban a shirt with a progressive rainbow unless they ban all graphic shirts.
Students have a right to choose who and who not to tell they are LGBTQIA+. Colleges are forbidden from outing students under FERPA, which includes details like your deadname, transgender status, and medical history.
If your college offers extracurricular activities (like chess club, Christian associations, or D&D), you have the right to form and be in a school LGBTQIA+ association like a Gay-Straight Alliance.
These laws apply to all American universities and colleges that receive federal funding. Even if they are religious, institutions that use federal funding must adhere to Title IX, FERPA, and other federal laws. Schools that do not want to follow these rules must either be entirely privately funded or apply for religious exemption, which is relatively difficult to get. Out of those colleges, I wouldn’t recommend trans students since these colleges are notoriously anti-transgender.
In addition to these federal protections, you may be further entitled (or marginalized) based on where exactly you live in the United States. Some states, like California, New York, and Illinois, have comprehensive laws protecting LGBTQIA+ students, while others, like Texas and Florida, fall short.
Even if you live in a conservative state, your university might still include LGBTQIA+ identities in its nondiscrimination policies – so it’s important to research your schools! I highly recommend Campus Pride Index as a free resource. They’ve been researching and compiling colleges since 2006 and have a searchable database that gives users insight into cost, atmosphere, and other useful metrics on what LGBTQIA+ resources are available at their school. It’s by far the easiest way to determine if a college has a queer resource center, campus events, nondiscrimination policies, and healthcare coverage. They even maintain lists of the country’s best and worst campuses for LGBTQIA+ students. If your school is not listed on Campus Pride, you should still be able to locate relevant policies. Most often, you’ll want to search for “nondiscrimination policies,” “student handbooks,” or general “policies and guidelines.” If internet searches fail you, don’t hesitate to reach out to your admin staff – they’re there to help you when you have questions about campus policies!
Amongst your university’s policies, you’ll also find guidelines on how to report harassment, discrimination, and general bullying. Always try to follow your college’s established procedures first when you experience harassment – give your administration the benefit of the doubt and remember to document all incidents, filed complaints, and communication you have with administration. If your school refuses to take your complaint seriously, you should then involve outside resources like local LGBTQIA+ nonprofits, GLSEN, or your state ACLU chapter. These organizations will help you determine the next steps best suited for your situation.
Some situations might require you to file a lawsuit against your school. You will likely want to have guidance from a legal authority like the ACLU before proceeding with filing or sourcing a competent legal group to represent you. You can also file complaints to the United States Department of Education – but given the political climate, you might not get a good response regardless of your legal rights. If you go this route, remember you only have 180 days to file a complaint with the Department and to file the discrimination as “sex-based.” Complaints that are not fully completed are automatically trashed and not investigated. Include as many details as possible, and keep in mind that your complaint is required to be confidential under federal law.
You’re going to be busy the first week of the semester. Everyone is. Try to get all your paperwork completed before the first day of class and reduce future headaches. Nearly all of this will require working with your campus administration, for better or worse.
As mentioned above, universities do not legally have to have a court order or medical documentation to update your name or gender marker in most of their electronic systems, but the process for doing so likely won’t be easy or straightforward unless they have already set up their systems for these changes. Many schools use ancient software to process and store student information, which is why admins huff and puff at being asked to change a student’s name. However, a process being annoying or difficult is not grounds to deny you from changing your name or gender marker at school. At college, you are paying to be there – the admins essentially work for you, and your comfort, safety, and overall confidentiality are worth pursuing. Some examples of items you can (and should) change include:
Your official school email, including associated accounts with it, like Word and Outlook.
Your public name in homework submission portals like Blackboard and Canvas.
Your school ID.
Classroom rosters.
Sports uniforms, if applicable.
The only items that require a legal order from a court to update in university software are:
Your diploma and transcript.
Financial aid information stored by FAFSA and your college’s financial aid office.
And personal health information stored by your college’s health center.
Anything else can be changed as an unofficial nickname. Your university is able to mark you as your identified gender in the class roster sent to campus professors without a court-ordered gender marker change. Legal orders only require your school to comply, but it is entirely possible to change most items before that point.
Dr. Genny Beemyn has the most current database of universities and colleges that allow transgender students to use a nonlegal name or pronouns in their files, originally hosted through Campus Pride’s TPC. Check their site to see if your school makes the list.
I’m not naïve – and I don’t recommend you be, either. Despite the law and clear instructions, I have been told myself by college admins things along the lines of “no, we can’t do that without court papers” and “hmm, yeah, I think we know the law better than you do and we don’t have to update your information.” I’ve also come across administrators who are extremely willing to make those minor changes – and my experience isn’t an anomaly. Given the environment academic administrators work in, you’re going to get a mixed bag of individuals who are willing to help as well as others who will throw a fit at your request. Some of them might be aware of LGBTQIA+ issues and why it’s important to get these items changed, while other administrators will huff because “it’s against their religion” to treat you with respect or update your information. And unfortunately, they hold all of the cards. In the event you experience discrimination from your university administration, you will have to follow your campus’ procedures for reporting it – which requires more conversations with admin. Depending on how LGBTQIA+ competent your school is, this paperwork could be an uphill battle.
Map of Healthcare Laws and Policy Exclusions by State, Movement Advancement Project
Regardless, the Trans Policy Clearinghouse has a list of colleges that explicitly list their transgender healthcare inclusions – now hosted on Genny Beemyn’s website.
The last major player in this category is housing. Most people don’t know who their roommate will be, although a growing number of universities are trying to match students with compatible roommates based on preferences. This can be even more anxiety-inducing for transgender students since you have to worry further about what gender you’ll be assigned for housing and whether your roommate will be chill with your identity or totally hateful. At least 470 schools are documented as having “gender-inclusive housing” on campus, which means there is a dorm, facility, or other living space that students can live in regardless of gender identity or sex assigned at birth. Genny Beemyn has an ongoing database of schools that publicly list having these housing options available, but the vast majority of high-ranking colleges on the Campus Pride Index will have this available.
Live Your Life: Finding the Basics for Survival
Considering most Americans begin college around the age of eighteen, university presents the first genuine opportunity for students to medical transition through gender-affirming care like hormone replacement therapy. The feasibility of doing so will depend on your school’s healthcare coverage, but the bottom line is that the ACA requires such care to be possible if you manage to complete their required steps, since gender-affirming care is medically necessary. Typically, these steps include sourcing a licensed mental health professional who is willing to write a letter certifying that your transgender identity is ‘established,’ not a phase, and you can make major decisions like beginning HRT based on your current mental state.
No matter how conservative your university is, you are not the first transgender student that has attended it, although you might be one of its first openly trans students. Transgender people live in all climates, including cities, suburbs, and the rural countryside. If your school has an LGBTQIA+ resource center or queer student organization, ask them first where trans students go for gender-affirming healthcare. If your school doesn’t, you’ll have to do some research: ask around online, like city-specific Facebook groups and subreddits, call the nearest LGBTQIA+ nonprofit, or visit a government health department. The last two will have staff available with the purpose of finding relevant resources – so use ’em!
Even if you’re battling administration for the items I referenced in the previous section, you can still email your upcoming professors prior to the semester. Most professors make an effort to use students’ nicknames anyway to foster a better classroom environment. So, if you happen to know who your professors will be, send them an email before the first day explaining your situation and that your assigned name and gender on their official roster don’t match what you go by. Use this email template and plug in your information. Even though my college admin eventually did change my name in their systems, I still had to send out emails since rosters were sent before the admin had made the change.
If you’re going the route of emailing your professors, remember it won’t solve everything. Without your university administration updating official rosters, you will encounter issues with other staff. Most often, this applies to substitute teachers and teacher assistants – subs sometimes get copies of the official roster rather than the one your regular professor uses. This means you can potentially be outed by a sub until your campus information is actually changed.
If you are beginning to live openly trans for the first time, you’ll discover how difficult it can be to advocate for yourself. More than anyone else, you have your best interests in mind – and there are uneducated people in every space, including college. Prepare for headaches, find quick resources to give to curious folks, learn when to shut down ‘curious’ Devil’s advocates, and have a plan in place to deal with incoming microaggressions. This is easier said than done, but I cannot emphasize how important it is for your own sake as well as future transgender students that will inevitably attend your university. Yes, it can be easier to just ride out the semester and not correct the side remarks by your professor – and sometimes, that’s what you need to do to emotionally and physically survive. But by not confronting those hard conversations, you leave the work for the next student that comes.
To an extent, you can also research trans-friendly restrooms, businesses, and events close to campus prior to the semester beginning – although sometimes it’s smoother to wait until you have real people to ask while navigating your first weeks. When you’re early in your transition, you need to feel safe and comfortable. Genny Beemyn has TPC’s previous list of universities with published maps of gender-neutral restrooms on campus, BUT I also recommend the REFUGE app. REFUGE is a free mobile app that lets users pinpoint trans-friendly bathrooms. You might be the first in your area to utilize the app and have a blank slate, or you might find a filled map with a treasure trove of tips. Either way, REFUGE allows you to build an underground resource for yourself and others at your school.
While on campus, the best (and most traditional) way to determine whether a space is LGBTQIA+ friendly is through “safe space” signage. Today, these signs are most common among less progressive schools where acceptance isn’t seen as the norm, but they’re great anywhere. Beyond campus grounds, these apps and sites are good ways to find trans-affirming spaces:
Strands for Trans is an online database for barbershops and hair salons.
Everywhere Is Queer is a mobile app for all businesses (including virtual ones), similar to Strands for Trans. Businesses self-report whether they identify as LGBTQIA+ friendly.
For bars and nightlife, look into GayCities, Travel Gay, and Yelp. GayCities and Travel Gay are better options if you live near a metropolitan area, but Yelp is more helpful for less populated regions.
Beyond websites and mobile apps, the best way to really determine whether a business is trans-friendly is by word of mouth. Find other queer and trans people on campus or a queer nonprofit – their experiences are worth significantly more than self-reported labels online. And while I’m aware of other websites that compile businesses, like Pink Robin, Hey Fam, LGBTQ+ Business Week, LGBTQIA Hub, and the National LGBT Chamber of Commerce, these sites focus heavily on e-commerce. Large cities like NYC and the Queer Money Project – and cities are more likely to have listings on apps such as Qlist and MisterB&B.
Support Yourself: Self-Care Matters
In order to thrive at college, you have to think beyond the basics. Between assignments and dealing with less-than-supportive classmates and staff, you will need an outlet for support. Be proactive and plan to create support as your semester begins. And if you’re struggling with coming out at college, Campus Pride has a resource tailored for you – and here is the most current copy of the Coming Out as a Transgender Person Workbook.
The simplest way to get connected with like-minded peers is to join a student organization. Clubs and other associates exist no matter the size of your school, including if you attend community college. Look for organizations that cater to queer identities (if possible) or interests you have. If you find your university lacks sufficient organizations, you’re entitled to create your own as long as you follow your school’s policies and have a staff member to serve as the club sponsor. In my experience, LGBTQIA+ college student organizations are way more active than high school ones – from anti-bullying campaigns to social functions, they’re worth checking out and giving a chance.
Speaking of which, check to see if your college has an LGBTQIA+ resource center. These are specific departments created by the university to handle LGBTQIA+ issues, training, clubs, and support. Schools with resource centers typically score higher on all metrics of the Campus Pride Index since they help recruit and retain queer students by fostering a safe campus environment. If your school lacks an LGBTQIA+ resource center, it may have something related like a “diversity department.” These are more common in community colleges and smaller schools that lack the funds to have multiple departments.
It feels like a stereotype, but queer people are good at finding each other. Use your natural gaydar to find safe friends to connect with. They don’t have to necessarily dress or “look” gay, but trust your gut when you feel good or bad vibes from your fellow classmates. People pay to go to college and learn, so they’re at least marginally more open-minded than the general population.
Being transgender shouldn’t limit you from traditional college activities that your cisgender peers get to enjoy. Don’t limit yourself to hobbies and organizations solely surrounding your queer identity – use every resource available to you and try every club that you find interesting. Beyond clubs, the most common social resources are sports and Greek life.
Currently, per “Keeping Men Out of Women’s Sports,” transfeminine individuals are barred completely from participating in college sports. Transmasculine and nonbinary folks might be technically allowed right now, but you’re unlikely to find these spaces welcoming. As most readers probably know, these bans are based on vast misunderstandings of existing laws and policies – but the harm still exists.
The TLDR is that anti-transgender sports bans overwhelmingly overestimate transgender people’s involvement in athletic competitions and overwhelmingly underestimate the laws that already dictate when and if transgender people can perform. For example, while approximately 10,500 people try out for the Olympics, fewer than a dozen might identify as transgender. That calculates to 0.001% of those folks trying out. To not be automatically disqualified during this process, transgender people must provide medical and legal documentation of their gender identity – which includes proving they have been consistently using estrogen HRT and using testosterone supplements for multiple years to force their hormone levels to be identical to biologically female competitors. This standard by the International Olympic Committee is enforced in other sports, and for decades, it was the same applied to student sports. The Trump ban supersedes these precedents and bars trans people from competing no matter what. In the context of school, sports are well-understood as crucial for supporting students’ emotional and physical well-being since they provide an outlet for exercise while fostering team-building. Yet, because of the Trump administration’s ban, transgender students are forbidden from having these experiences.
“Keeping Men Out of Women’s Sports” is centered on competitive sports, so it’s unclear how strictly it is applied to noncompetitive or intramural sports clubs, but I advise caution since it will largely depend on the political climate of your school on whether they will use the executive order against you.
You don’t find many LGBTQIA+ people in Greek life. Part of it comes from its long history of strict gender roles for frat boys and sorority girls. Another part comes from Greek organizations not being kind to marginalized folks, especially considering how many organizations get accused of sexual harassment and hazing. Then, of course, Greek life is associated with higher incomes since joining these associations generally requires annual fees. Despite this, there are Greek organizations with explicit mission statements that include transgender people – and there are also organizations founded by LGBTQIA+ students.
Some sororities include:
Alpha Chi Omega (ΑΧΩ)
Alpha Delta Pi (ΑΔΠ)
Alpha Epsilon Phi (ΑΕΦ)
Alpha Gamma Delta (ΑΓΔ)
Alpha Lambda Zeta (ΑΛΖ)
Alpha Omicron Pi (ΑΟΠ)
Alpha Pi Delta (ΑΠΔ)
Alpha Sigma Alpha (AΣA)
Alpha Sigma Tau (ΑΣΤ)
Alpha Xi Delta (ΑΞΔ)
Beta Phi Omega (ΒΦΩ)
Delta Delta Delta (ΔΔΔ)
Delta Gamma (ΔΓ)
Delta Phi Epsilon (ΔΦΕ)
Gamma Phi Beta (ΓΦΒ)
Gamma Rho Lambda (GRL)
Eta Epsilon Gamma (ΗΕΓ)
Eta Iota Mu (ΗΙΜ)
Kappa Alpha Lambda (ΚΑΛ)
Kappa Alpha Theta (ΚΑΘ)
Kappa Delta (ΚΔ)
Kappa Kappa Gamma (ΚΚΓ)
Kappa Omega Omicron (ΚΏΟ)
Kappa Theta Epsilon (ΚΘΕ)
Kappa Xi Omega (ΚΞΩ)
Lambda Delta Lambda (ΛΔΛ)
Omicron Epsilon Pi (ΟΕΠ)
Phi Omega (ΦΩ)
Phi Sigma Sigma (ΦΣΣ)
Sigma Alpha Iota (ΣAI)
Sigma Delta Tau (ΣΔΤ)
Sigma Omega Phi (ΣΩΦ)
Sigma Phi Chi (ΣΦΧ)
Sigma Sigma Sigma (ΣΣΣ)
Theta Phi Alpha (ΘΦΑ)
Zeta Omega Eta (ΖΩΗ)
Zeta Tau Alpha (ΖΤΑ)
Zeta Theta Psi (ΖΘΨ)
Some fraternities include:
Acacia
Alpha Sigma Phi (AΣΦ)
Beta Gamma Pi (ΒΓΠ)
Beta Theta Pi (BΘΠ)
Chi Phi (XΦ)
Chi Psi (XΨ)
Delta Chi (ΔX)
Delta Lambda Phi (ΔΛΦ)
Delta Phi Upsilon (ΔΦΥ)
Delta Sigma Phi (ΔΣΦ)
Delta Tau Delta (ΔΤΔ)
Delta Upsilon (ΔΥ)
Kappa Delta Rho (KΔP)
Kappa Kappa Psi (KKΨ)
Kappa Psi Kappa (ΚΨΚ)
Lambda Chi Alpha (ΛXA)
Omega Delta Phi (ΩΔΦ)
Phi Delta Theta (ΦΔΘ)
Phi Kappa Tau (ΦKT)
Phi Sigma Kappa (ΦΣK)
Pi Kappa Alpha (ΠKA)
Pi Kappa Phi (ΠKΦ)
Pi Lambda Phi (ΠΛΦ)
Psi Upsilon (ΨY)
Sigma Alpha Epsilon (ΣAE)
Sigma Chi (ΣΧ)
Sigma Epsilon Omega (ΣΕΩ)
Sigma Phi Beta (ΣΦΒ)
Sigma Phi Epsilon (ΣΦE)
Sigma Nu (ΣN)
Sigma Tau Gamma (ΣTΓ)
Tau Beta Sigma (TBΣ)
Tau Kappa Epsilon (ΤΚΕ)
Theta Chi (ΘX)
Theta Delta Chi (ΘΔX)
Theta Xi (ΘΞ)
Zeta Alpha Delta (ΖΑΔ)
Zeta Beta Tau (ZBT)
And some all-gender Greek associations include:
Alpha Delta Phi Society (ΑΔΦ)
The Euglossian Society (ΕΥΓ)
Lambda Alpha Lambda (ΛΑΛ)
Lambda Delta Xi (ΛΔΞ)
Nu Delta (ΝΔ)
Phi Sigma Pi (ΦΣΠ)
Th Delta Sigma (ΘΔΣ)
Theta Pi Sigma (ΘΠΣ)
Zeta Delta Xi (ΖΔΞ)
Sigma Omicron Rho (ΣΟΡ)
Even if you are introverted, shy, or otherwise not a social person, I highly recommend creating an in-person support system. Go to club meetings, join your local community, and make IRL friends. Entirely online support systems don’t foster the same level of mental wellness – although they can still be useful. For that purpose, here are some online resources for transgender college students.
⭐ Looking for generic trans resources? Click here.
Between going to class, making friends, and inevitably dealing with conflict, you need to set aside time for self-care. Do things you enjoy. Engage in therapy. Work on setting boundaries. Develop hobbies to do in your free time that don’t feel like work. And if you struggle with self-care, here’s an info hub by GSA Network.
And of course, small things matter. Assuming your dorm or living space allows it, cultivate your room to foster a sense of pride. You’ll be spending a lot of time in your room, so make it inviting – hang up a pride flag, put up some posters, and decorate the space to inspire joy. After a potentially long day at class dealing with people, don’t you deserve to feel comfortable and proud of who you are?