Most people have never considered the difference between “gender” and “sexuality” – unless you’re questioning or identifying as LGBTQIA+, there’s little reason for folks to give it a second thought. However, understanding these two concepts is key when discussing many oppressions, like sexism, heterosexism, and cissexism, and helps make you a better ally to transgender folks.

What is Gender Identity?

In the simplest sense, gender identity (or just “gender”) is who you ARE or how you view yourself. Everyone has a gender identity, even if it is the same one as they were assigned at birth. You might identify as a boy, a woman, as genderqueer, agender, or nonbinary – but you still identify as something. GLSEN breaks up gender even further into three parts: gender expression, gender attribution, and sex assigned at birth.

Gender expression refers to how you display your gender or lack thereof. It’s a combination of hairstyles, fashion choices, behaviors, and habits that reflect your inner gender identity. Most people choose expressions that match their gender, such as dressing masculinely as a man or femininely as a woman, but expression doesn’t dictate gender. Women can have masculine expressions, men can be feminine, and nonbinary people can be androgynous or have a gendered expression. Expression is also the pronouns you state you use to match your gender and titles like mister, miss, and mx.

Gender attribution is how your gender is perceived by others, for better and worse. Gender very rarely occurs in an isolated bubble, and due to being a social concept, gender is both real and fake: people take aspects of your gender expression and sex to make quick assumptions about your inner gender. Attribution is most annoying when those assumptions are wrong, resulting in misgendering and deadnaming, but it’s one of many natural instincts people have when meeting individuals. When attribution goes well, it has positive benefits – being affirmed as your gender is a spectacular feeling as a transgender person, just like being misgendered is a miserable experience. Attribution is the pronoun and gender that others assume you are, such as a man, woman, nonbinary person, or other identity. Like expression, gender attribution does not dictate your gender identity. Other people assuming you are nonbinary does not make your gender identity nonbinary. However, it does often have an impact on your mental well-being and how you visualize your gender/passing ability.

Sex assigned at birth (SAAB) refers to the label medical professionals gave you upon birth, such as male, female, or intersex. SAAB is a “historical term,” unlike “sex,” which is used as a whole. Sex accounts for your current biology, but most aspects of biological sex are malleable, despite what anti-transgender activists claim. SAAB refers strictly to the sex you were perceived at birth, reflecting a part of your personal history but not necessarily reality. After high school, biology becomes complicated: science well-establishes sex is more than just a male/female binary and biological sex is instead composed of chromosomes, gonads, phenotype, and behavior. Modern science allows three-quarters of biological sex to be changed. SAAB refers ONLY to the state you were at birth and accounts for gender identity since SAAB determines whether you identify as cisgender or transgender. And like gender expression and gender attribution, SAAB does not dictate your gender identity – although all three parts can influence your overall gender.

The most common examples of gender identity are man and woman, although plenty of others exist. Technically, “cisgender” and “transgender” are descriptors of gender identity – everyone is either cisgender or transgender based on whether they identify as the gender assigned to them at birth. Cisgender means “same,” referencing folks who identify as the same gender they were assumed as at birth. Transgender means “different,” referencing those who identify as a gender identity other than the one assigned to them at birth.

Where do nonbinary folks fit in? Nonbinary is an identity associated with anyone who falls outside of the male/female gender binary. Currently, most nonbinary individuals are classified as transgender since they weren’t labeled as nonbinary growing up. Eventually, as more people are raised as nonbinary or without traditional gender, there will be folks who were raised as nonbinary and still identify as such – those people will be both nonbinary and cisgender. There are a few people today who fall within those categories, but it’s relatively rare.

What is Sexual Orientation?

If gender is how you view yourself, sexual orientation is who you’re attracted to. For most folks, it’s pretty straightforward – and like gender identity, everyone has a sexual orientation. Individuals who are attracted to the “opposite” gender as themselves are straight or heterosexual, like a man who is attracted to women. Those who identify as gay or homosexual are attracted to people who are the same gender as themselves. Queer, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, and other labels often reflect folks who don’t fit within that strict straight/gay binary – such as people who are attracted to one or more genders, or none at all.

Attraction can be further broken down: most people are familiar with romantic and sexual attraction, but it’s valuable to learn the inner workings of sexuality and attraction to better understand queerness and asexuality.

• Romantic attraction happens when you want to be romantic with another person, like feeling the desire to date, kiss, hold hands, etc.
• Sexual attraction is the desire you feel to be sexual with another person, like wanting to have any type of sex with someone.
• Platonic attraction happens when you feel an emotional magnetism to someone, like feeling the desire to know someone better or become their friend.
• Aesthetic attraction comes from appreciating someone’s look or fashion, like when you admire someone’s style but don’t necessarily want to date them.
• Sensual attraction is the desire to hug or cuddle someone in a non-sexual tactile way.
• Intellectual attraction is an attraction caused by wanting to engage or debate someone in conversation.

It’s perfectly normal to experience multiple types of attraction, and it’s also normal not to experience attraction. Most people experience a number of attractions all the time – many friends feel platonic, aesthetic, and intellectual attraction without romantic or sexual attraction; some folks might feel all forms of attraction when they’re in love with someone.

The key point is that gender identity is YOU, while sexual orientation pertains more to who you’re attracted to. As mentioned before, everyone has both a gender identity and sexual orientation – even if you don’t think about it very often, you still have labels like gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, religion, class, etc. A straight man has a straight sexual orientation and a masculine gender identity, just as an asexual nonbinary person has an ace sexuality and nonbinary gender. Gender and sexuality matter to some folks and not others, just like how other identity labels matter more to some individuals ,like race and class. Gender and sexuality are also pretty fluid – you’re allowed to experiment and explore these identities, so what you find works now may not be what you identify as in ten years, and that’s alright!

Extra Credit: Historical Gender & Sexuality

I think it’s also worth noting that our modern definitions for gender identity and sexual orientation are reversed from what they used to be just 50 years ago. During the post-WWII sexology renaissance, there was a lot of research into gender and sexuality in the United States and Europe. However, this research was heavily dominated by straight white men inspired by pseudoscientists like Sigmund Freud and didn’t account very well into humanistic or people-first approaches. Many of these early researchers supported gender-affirming care, but they still fundamentally believed sex and gender were combined – in their view, LGBTQIA+ people existed due to anomalies and disorders of “regular” functioning.

This resulted in papers that documented folks who were assigned male at birth and identified as women (known as transgender women today) as “transgender/transsexual men,” and folks assigned female at birth and identified as male (known as transgender men now) as “transgender/transsexual women.” The distinction between gender and sex didn’t become widespread in academic settings until feminist scholarship found its roots during the 1970s, so these men used labels based on biological sex. Further, they applied sexuality based on this understanding: an individual assigned male at birth, identified as a woman, and was attracted to men would be classified as a gay/homosexual transgender man since, according to their standards, the individual was attracted to the same sex as themselves. Today, that same individual would be classified as a straight transgender woman. These differences can become confusing very quickly, but they’re important to remember if you delve deeper into transgender history or the history of gender.